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Things are spinning around my mind. Making me dizzy. My throat burns and feel raw like someone shoved sandpaper down my throat then set it on fire. My body feels weak and completely drain. I feel like i'm sufficating here. I want out. I want to escape. I want to disappear for awhile but I cant. I cant leave them...I cant. I cant just disappear now. But I cant be here anymore. I hate it. I cant handle it......

I'm so tired. I want to sleep but I have things to do. Hopefully the will keep my mind busy. Keeping it away from the nightmares. They come every so often. Sometimes I cant remember them. I do remember some..Blood everywhere, the screams, the smell of death, and the shadows...I dont like them. The world....my world...is dark. Even when I'm happy, I sense it. Like its wanting for me to feel a little sad or angry. So it can grab me and tke my mind away. Unleashing an unknown demon in me. To take my place. Its happen before. I want to get way. I wanted to stop suffering. I even tried to....then I felt weird. I blank out. All I could see is darkness. It felt like i was there so weeks but it only been a few hours. I open my eyes. It was the middle of the night. I couldnt remember anything. My body ache like i was running for hours and my hands hurt. I know it was middle of the day before I blank out. I went to the mirror in the bathroom. I blinked. My eyes were darker than usual. My face was paler than usual. I felt that something happen. I felt different....I felt lost....

My mind is a scary place. People, including my family, think they know me. Well they dont. No matter how much I open up, it feels like I'm still hiding. My soul is confused along with other parts of me. I want to escape. I need to think. I'm never myself, my trueself....do i even have my trueself? I always trying to please others. Smiling for others. I am so hidden from others. I dont know who or what I am. I am a lost child. A lost soul. I dont understand myself. I could be mad or angry but something in me makes sure I dont show it. Things replay in my head until I feel guilty or horrible about it. Like something in me wants me to suffer. I want it to end. I want part of me to die out.