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I can't really explain it, but right now I feel really depressed. and not just depressed. I feel violent. normally, I might cringe and try to explain that because I'd feel bad for calling myself violent. I usually shy away from it so much. but no. right now, I feel violent. I just went to towns, dressed to kill -and practically wanting to-, and started seeing if there was anyone I could yell at or fight with. that's pretty sad. I seriously wanted a fight. I didn't get one. big shocker. but I did yell at some poor guy who had gotten 'raped'. it's hard to be raped on Gaia. practically impossible. actually, it is impossible. it's a computer screen. nothing happens to the real you, so like I said. impossible. I yelled at him some, though there was no real yelling except from him. normally, I might get irritated at the constant yelling and actually yell back. didn't happen this time. I was just overly rude. not exactly violent, but I don't look like I give a crap anyways. and I look like you wouldn't want to mess with me. I mean, come on. a kunai in one hand, a huge staff in the other, flames for wings on my back, sunglasses that completely cover my eyes, and gloves over my hands. not exactly the image of someone you want to run up to and hug. oh yeah, and a studded belt. I forgot about that. over all, very dark, possibly creepy look. everything's black or dark except the bright orange, red, and yellow wings. yep..definately not in the mood to be social...I really do want to punch something though. still don't know why. I feel sorta bad for saying all this stuff cause I really don't want some of my friends from school to see this side of me. oh well. it's sorta inevitable I guess. they should know the real me, but still. I'm afraid that they're going to see me differently and they'll never think of me the same way again. but it's better if they see who I really am. I can't keep these stupid emotions inside me all the time. I have to do that enough at school. I can't hurt all those people! that's just too wrong. that don't need to see me when I'm this mopey and stuff. it's just not right. no. I'll keep it closed up at school and I'll suffer online and at home. gosh, I sound like a freak. if anyone at school ever actually looks through my stupid journal and they see this, they had better not bring it up at all at school. I don't know what I'd do. probably not hurt them. I never could. not really. sure, I can threaten alot. I can loom over them and give them death glares. heck, I've hit them with plenty of stuff in the past, mostly just water bottles or books. maybe a few pencil stabs, here or there, but I can never really hurt them. I talk big, but that's all I got...I can't remember where I was going with this...oh right. I couldn't hurt them for saying anything about this entry or any other entry I've ever made. I'd just feel highly embarrassed and possibly be harrassed by anyone in earshot about what they were talking about. that I would hate. I hate any form of stupid attention. it takes me hours to get used to it. weird, huh? but I'm not going to go into that right now. or ever, preferably. guess, I've said enough. I don't really feel over depressed anymore. just blank. zombie makes a good description too. I'm gonna go play zOMG now and kill some things. that might help, but probably not since I'm stuck on that stupid game. xp
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