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One ******** thing after another.... |
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razz So Chris and I actually sat down, for once and talked everything out. I have never seen him be sentimental before. He does not doe emotion. He actually made me fall for him all over again, Tuesday night. I still get he impression sometimes, that he really does not give a ******** about me. Although, the spare moments he does shoe it, it is the greatest ******** thing. cool Right now it is all cool. I am worried about going back to school, and him going to work. Will we see each other much? But Chris is right. If we are meant to be we will find a way.
See that night, Tuesday, I was at ease. For the first time in a long time. I felt as if nothing could go wrong. We went to Martial Arts, Wednesday. I knew he cared about me, he does not show it like i said before. YOu can just tell it, ya know?
Last night a cold feeling swept me. The feeling of missing something. Something, deceased yet urging itself to be known. Corey called me. He talked to me as if nothing had ever happened. He said he might come down here before he starts college. He kept asking me about Chris. He told me he still loved me. He said he can not just throw away 4 years of heartache. He said not now, but once he gets out of college. sad
I feel like a doll, tossed around. I think he remembers what happened over Christmas. Maybe he just said too much and is using his injury as an excuse. I am just a pawn. He believes he can win me over. I am with Chris, damnit. I want chris. I know not whether Chris wants me as bad as I want to be with him. If not than ******** him. I do not want to be that way. I am not getting myself hurt again. Over some little boy who believes they can toss around a porcilean doll. sweatdrop I want Chris, but corey was there. He was there for me so much more than anyone, more than Felicia. Yet Corey was the one that made me cry the most, die the most inside. He broke me. Now that I am trying to repair myself, he comes back. Every ******** time, he comes back. To pull me down with him.
I want to be friends with him so badly. I know though he wants to date. I am not going back down that road, just for him to leave me stranded. Damnit, I am not a doll. I wish people would realize this. Then people ask why do you worry so much, or why do you hate so much. I don't worry too much or hate too much, everyone else just does it too little.
So chris gave me the perfect idea. just ignore corey. Just tell him, do not talk to me more about relationships, we are friends and that is all. I know corey though, he will not give up. I am going to tell him, though. it hurts me so badly to be mean to him. He will always be in my heart, he will always be in the back of my mind. But he will never be at the front again. I am done. It is gone. Chris is my now. That is all I want.
Great.....now watch Chris dump my happy a**. That is my luck. .....THANK YOU, YOU FAWKIN MARSHMELLO GOD. crying
 Orchids of Apocalypse · Thu Aug 02, 2007 @ 10:48pm · 1 Comments |
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