crying So last night Chris stayed over and we were having a great time, as we usually do. Some how we got on the subject do we want other people? I know a stupid thing in the first place but I asked him if he wante another girl. He said did I? I said no, of course not. I said so do you want another girl? He said well a little. As soon as he said that my heart fell right to my feet, I wanted to die right there. I sat speechless, he said well I want you like 94%. He said that is only 6% I want another girl. I sat there and teared up and I did not know whether to punch him and run away or sit and cry like a pansy. Then I said "are you serious" He said baby that is only 6% that I want another girl. That killed me I hated myself for trusting anyone after Corey and I wanted my heart to be dug out by my fingertips but then I realized I did not have my heart he did that is why he can so easily break it.
I said "Chris are you serious" cry He said no. i was so confused. stare He said baby I was just playing. I said seriously do you want another girl? He said no. I said why would you say such a thing to me then? He said that he was just playing. He said not to worry about it. Which is his excuse for everything, do not worry about it. AND IN CASE HE HAS NOT NOTICED I WORRY ABOUT EVERY MINISCULE THING!!!!!!!!!!! pirate I said why the hell would you even pick with me about something like that. he said he was just joking. i kept asking myself why would he do that. I mean he does have some harsh jokes but i cried and cried. he held me and said that he was only joking i said then why did you pause when i asked you were you serious. he said because i knew you would not think i was serious if i immediately answered you, you would think i was just saying that so you would quit asking. IT FREAKING HURT
I then asked him why he liked me? He has never told me and i want to know, i mean he never gives me a warm and fuzzy moment is that so hard to ask for?? evil He said he loves me is that not enough. of course that is enough but can not have a warm and fuzzy moment question He said that he will always love me more than anything was that not enough. well i suppose that is enough or as good as i am going to get. I can't understand why the hell i am not allowed a warm and fuzzy moment? why the ******** would you joke with someone about wanting another chic. i asked him again this morning about that wanting a chic thing, he said he was just kidding. i said okay. he said okay? i said yeah. then i cried. that hurts more than anything. i want somebody to stab me maybe kill me that would feel better than this hell. i know i am probably worrying to muc and i know that the more i think about it and dwell into it that i will make it worse and i want to know why the hell he would joke with me about that. that hurt so damn bad. i want ot call him right now and ask why he would joke about that.
i want to cry.
 Orchids of Apocalypse · Fri Jun 06, 2008 @ 09:07pm · 0 Comments |
