stare Last night, my brothers and I and a couple of their friends and chris went to the dam up from my house. we went to practice martial arts. well we ended up playing capture the flag in the dark through the woods with only the moonlight to see with. Chris and I were on seperate teams. So we had to fight each other because he was going for my flag. sad So we dueled, i had a kitana blade or a bokan and chris had sai. If you know anything about martial arts you will understand that the sai's are hard things to fight with. Plus the kitana is a long ranged weapon. Well to wrap up the story, i beat him. and afterwards looked at him and said "oh yeah i love you." Because before we began the game i wanted to say it to him and give him a kiss. but he had already began walking to his flag. mad So after we left i was trying to talk to him, and he would not talkt to me and when he did he woudl snap at me. he was being a a**. i was like okay what is wrong with you, but i let him be. when we got home i went to my room and lied down and waited for him to come in there. he did not come in for about thirty minutes. finally he came in and said i am leaving. and walked out of hte room. i followed him out to his car and asked what was wrong, because he did not kiss me or say i love you he just got in his car and was going to leave. he looked at me and would not tell me what was wrong he said i do not want to talk about it. gonk i was sitting there thinking. okay either he is about ot break up with me or he is truly devotedly pissed at me for something i am not aware of.
i began getting worried and almost cried. i could not imagine being without him. redface so he finally told me it was he thought i was being a smart a** about beating him at the dam. he said i was rubbing it in his face that i was better at it than him. and that was not the case it was a game of luck. i said chris i am about to cry and he finally began spilling everything. i said are we cool? he said whatever. i was like what the ******** is wrong with you? i said well will you come back in and stay with me for a little while. he said "you better be glad i love you so damn much." i began crying crying i never cry...i must say. i do not cry i suck shti up and get over it and if it does nto kill you you will be stronger. and i do not cry infront of people when i do cry. but i did infron of him. i believe i made him feel like s**t. he just sat with me. then he said come outside. we went outside and he spilled all of his feelings. i apparently hurt his pride, he does not want to be the guy that can not take up for his girl. confused it is a long story as too what he really said. but it hurt...real bad.
so we got it settled, and he stayed the night. wink he kept reminding me as too why he loved me and he kept saying it. he never says he loves me more than like twice. and that is when he is leaving. so i was like damn maybe just maybe he could actually love me. cry i want to beleive it and put down my guard and just ride with it. but i know the second i do, something bad will happen. i wish i could just ride with things and not worry. but that is just me. i get so stressed out i can not eat... burning_eyes i don't wanna be me anymore
 Orchids of Apocalypse · Sun Sep 09, 2007 @ 11:03pm · 1 Comments |
