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AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I was run out of third today when I started crying. Fell on the floor and sobbed. I ******** hate being female, so emotional and stuff.
Anyway, my day was pathetic. I feel so empty and I'm trying to get over it but I can't. I'm not so sad we're not together right now, or that we may never be, but why does his family have to be so god damned selfish? I was the one that saved their asses, twice now. My mom was going to call DSHS and tell them what went on, and I called Carlos to warn him and I told him I was working hard to save his family; despite what they're doing to him and I. I love him so much and it'll hurt if he decides he doesn't want to be with me, but I want him to be my friend at least.
Muu, I ******** hate this. I don't want to be played with, he said he spoke to his family and told them that while we won't be in a relationship while he lives in that house, he can't deny he wants to be with me. But he doesn't know for sure if he even wants to be with me, if he's just trying to fill a void. I told him I'd wait for him forever, but I'd accept his decision, and I will. As long as we can be friends, I can't just delete him from my life. I would have had his child if I had seen the signs, but I didn't and I lost the baby. I can't just ignore the person I love, can't block them from my heart.
Oh my god I hate this so bad. I just want to be loved so bad.