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I'm...tried of feeling like I'm just floating along in life because I feel I have to.

Living for oneself is difficult, no doubt. But living for others, and trying to appease them, is simply even more taxing.

My parents, bless them, drive me to insanity. For awhile now, they've been having money problems, yet seem to refuse to attempt to alleviate them. I don't help much either. They either refuse what I give till I practically beg, or I'm missing too much work to give them any without saving for myself. And this is only a part of it.

My father is dying. Perhaps not to the point where he is fading, but it does not take much to notice. He's finally trying to quit again...44 years too late. And his job is not helping him either, pushing him to his physical limit.

My mother is not too far of, either. If not even closer so...she has horrible health. She's so out of shape, that walking up our steps makes her breather heavily. And the stress she puts on herself...

If I lose any of them, just as I'm truly get to know ********.

My sister? I don't know what to think. She's been spoiled so long, that she's a complete brat. And dammit, my temper does not help. At ******** all. So, to keep peace, I've started ignoring her as well, if only to make peace. It's probably one of the last things I should be doing, less she comes to grow up some other way. I can't see that happening soon enough.

And my friends? God, what a mess. I've come so used to making them, then losing them one way or another, that it's hard for me to actually call someone a true friend. So far, as of now, I claim three. Others, possibly including anyone taking to reading this, are just friendly acquaintances.

Anyway, as to my friends, we're growing apart. And my mood doesn't help with me truly enjoying the time we share, to the point I feel completely at ease.

Another thing grasping at my mind and toying with me is my love life, or lack thereof. I just broke up an attempted relationship, and feel...numb. I'm not sad by it, nor am I happy. It's just...annoying. More so because I've come to the conclusion that I only started it because I was lonely, and she available. And over the ******** internet. God.

I just...I don't know. Would like to feel more imporant? A reason to be here to truly claim all my own? Someone to share the joy and pain of being a parent, which is my personal dream with? Something to alleviate my selfishness?

...eh. I'm done for now.