|Mwa ha! Ph34r... << More of the story, adding on from where Shea left off in her 8/08/05 Journal entry... More angst, of course... More Rai... Umm... yeah... x.x I'm not sure how good it is, I'm typing it awfully early to some really happy music... which isn't a good combonation... Anyway... Enjoy?|
------------------------
Floating... it was like being a pool during the summer, just lazily lying in the water, soaking up the sun above. Rai remembered once when he had done such a thing. He had fallen asleep and stayed out too long, resulting in a very dark, very nice tan on his front side, while his back was still as white as ever. But he didn't burn; no, he never burned. He tanned. Needless to say, he appeared rather goofy for a few days because of it.
However, this floating was different. It was a feeling he didn't like. It wasn't relaxing at all. It was frightening, especially since he knew what it could mean. The absense of his senses, the lonely feelings, the dark, bitter silence. It was nothing like relaxing during a beautiful summer day. Oh, how he wished that's what this really was.
The biggest problem with this whole silence was the fact that it gave Rai so much time to think. It felt like he was awake, he just couldn't open his eyes, and none of his senses seemed to want to respond. More than likely it was just a way to protect him from the immense pain his body was in. Although any of it would have been welcome to him at that moment. He wanted to know he really was alive and that he would live through this.
The blonde knew that, even if he lived through this, he would still be useless. The dagger that had pierced his hands had probably cut through a vital nerve or tendon. That meant he would no longer be able to hold anything, not even his guns. He wasn't as smart as Suzu or Izumi. He couldn't talk his way out of things like Hunter. And he didn't have powers like Alice or Shizuka. No, he was like Ren; he relied on his own strengths. Without that, he was useless.
That fact alone made Rai feel as thought it might be better for him to die. The last thing he wanted was to be stuck in a bed while his friends were out risking their lives for the greater good. He didn't want to sit on the sidelines and shout encouragement while his friends were mercilessly beaten and injured. So what was the point of living if he could no longer help those he cared about?
Rai was about to give in to that welcoming darkness when a sudden pain erupted in his chest once again. Sounds started to flood into his ears; whispers, breathing, rain on a roof. He could feel the light in front of his eyelids, even though he couldn't open them. But that was not what his mind had focused on. All of his senses were instantly overpowered by that rending feeling in his chest that seemed to intensify with each breath.
A groan escaped him, barely even noticable as a sound at all, as moisture built up beneath his eyelids. He wanted to move; to curl up and make the pain stop. He wanted to fall back into that dark hole until he healed or until the pain disappeared. But he couldn't. He was awake, by what command he didn't know. But he was awake. Whether he would live or not was still up to speculation.
But it hurt so much! Rai couldn't even clentch his fists to bear the pain. If it hadn't been for his chest, he would have surely felt his hands and the extent of that damage. He wanted to move them, to forget his major wound, but they didn't respond. Nothing did. His body wouldn't move at all. It was just immense pain.
Through sheer determination alone, he managed to force his eyes open, if only half way. Light instantly flooded his vision and he had to shut them once again. Now he knew how Ren felt when he didn't have his glasses. He knew he was alive for the moment, though, and if he was alive, even for a little while longer, he wanted to see. He wanted to know if Ren was there with him. He wanted to know that he wasn't alone.
Once again, he forced those heavy lids open partially, adjusting his eyes to the light. It was probably the mix of tears that had made it hurt so much, but he felt them run down his cheeks and, despite building up again, he had to know. Orange optics fluttered about until they landed on the figure by the bed. Was it who he thought it was? It had to be... It was hard to tell, what with his eyes being so blurry, but it had to be him.
"R...Ren?" The blonde forced the word from his dried throat. He suddenly found himself coughing, which was not a good thing. It brought more pain to his chest and, if he wasn't mistaken, a coppery taste to his mouth. He felt a hand come to rest on his chest as words whispered for him to calm down and lie still. Who was that? Ren? Or Shizu? Maybe Suzu? He couldn't tell. The voice was too faded and the pain was so engulfing he could barely focus on anything. No wonder people gave up so easily in situations like this. With such pain, it would take a miracle for him to live through it.
He couldn't do it. It was all too much. "I...I'm... sorry..." The words came out almost like sobs, more tears flooding to his eyes as he shut them tightly, gritting his teeth to the seering flame in his chest. There was no way he could live through this. Even his own hope was fading. He wanted to live, but he would be useless and he knew it. He was useless at that very moment. It would take a miracle to pull him through this.
Everything Rai had been through up until that point had seemed like minor scrapes and bruises compared to this. This was on a level he couldn't comprehend and wasn't sure he wanted to. He just wanted to fade back into that abyss where he felt no pain; where he could hope for life without having to face the torturing reality that he was going to die. He couldn't do it; his will was broken as his body lay tattered and fading there in that bed. There was nothing left for him to do.
View User's Journal
Bombay's Random Writings
Random randomness from the mind of a wierd little person.
That would be me.
 |
User Comments: [1]
|
User Comments: [1]