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~this night~
this night
this cold, useless night
no one to talk to
no one to hold on to
to care for, to be cared by
to love
or to be loved
all alone
darkness
no sleep
i will never sleep
until i hear myself
something i fail to do over, and over again
where am i?
im supposed to have fun, on a holiday, be a child
easter
but where is it?
i never even knew today was easter, until this morning
not even morning
noon
when i called her, my aunt, my love
and she reminded me
i need a real family
i don't know what its like, to be loved
i don't know what it is, honestly
what does anybody know?
what do i know?
im failing math, my best subject
why must this all happen to me?
everything
stress brings them back
the horrible feelings
burning in my chest
panic attacks
please make them stop, go away
stupid friends i have sometimes
they call themselves "friends"
what are real friends anyway?
i never felt so alone, so lost
who else to turn to?
why am i even up so late?
because i close my eyes, and they open again
from thoughts
i never wish to see
thoughts i never with to have turned into actions
so scary, yet so real
visions, that really do happen
nobody believes me, only i know the truth
only i understand
enough to know what happens next
this emotion
unexplanible
it will leave, but i don't know when, hopefully soon
when will it dissapear?
when will it crush, and a knew emotion of somewhat happiness arise?
a warm and comferting emotion
that feels like home
like nothin wrong ever happens
like im loved
like i have real friends
like i have no visions
like i have dreams instead of nightmares
like i don't have panic attacks
like i have real parents
like i was a kid again
like the way i used to be...
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