Hmmm, Live seems to be getting harder on me, I have slowly began to feel a crushing weight on my heart and its slowly making me sink into depression. Though if you talk to me i won't show it...except to a few of you. I have lost so many good friends, and sad to say they were all my guy friends, so i really don't have any guy friends any more that see me, not as a girl, but as a friend and can just considerme as one of the guys. I miss that so much.
*sigh* espicialy hanging out with Josh, I think i miss that the most, It seems like slowly over the years as you got older and got more friends, i got left behind you and now you won't even talk to me any more than telling me that i have changed for the worst. I guess i really agree with you there but i still wanted to be friends, i mean josh whyed you leave me behind after one joke!! it was just a ******** joke!!! why the heck did you not get that?? after i made that joke you always seemed so awkward around me then the old you dissapeared and now.......
And now You D. I though you and I could always be friends and not be awkward around each other but after the years i begain to notice you wanted more than friendship where i didn't and i guess thats how we lost our friendship.
My mind wants to tell me that i don't really feel all this crap that im writing but, if i didn't feel like this why would my hands be writing it? Some times i trust my hands over my mind, cause my mind seems to only work with emotions and emotions have ruined my life. Except for the care of one person, that is the only thing that gets me through my life any more, is having him around, and seeing that i have some where were i can feel needed and not so useles. But i seem to have lost my touch in helping people and more fallen into depression and making things worse, i have begun to feel the pain of the aloneness around me and seeing that care is all i live for any more ( that and God ) but those two hardly get me by any more.
Untill next time..this is my life
 KibaLover64 · Sat Feb 03, 2007 @ 02:56am · 0 Comments |
