Watch Neat somehow miraculously get on Gaia and read this, and then proceed to yell at me. It really wouldn't surprise me; it's what she did the last time we fought. And you know what? I don't think I'll care this time...
I'm a this close to saying 'screw it' to this whole stupid thing. Neat has been nothing but rude and cruel to me since she started this arguement (yes, SHE started it, and I don't care if she says otherwise; everything would have been fine if she hadn't started this whole mess). I have apologized up one side and down another, begged for forgiveness, kept my tongue about things she has said that I could have snapped right back at. She has ignored every single heart-felt apology I have sent her, and only responded to any email that might have had the slightest bit of anything negative in it.
And she always responds negatively. I'm not sure what it is exactly she expects of me. She says she wanted us to be friends again and that she still loves me, but she's got me blocked on her MSNM (so I can't talk to her), she responds destructively to every email, instead of constructively so that we might fix things up. I'm starting to think she doesn't really want this friendship to be patched up. All of my friends tell me to drop it, give it up, she's not worth it.
And you know what... Maybe she's not. She says I've been selfish, unsupportive, and cruel. Hypocrit. That's all she's doing now: she's being selfish not only toward me, but toward Rach as well. It just seems that all of her friends in Aussie-land are more important than us. I know she's busy, everyone's busy... But Rach is busy, too. They both balance work and school, and they're both looking our for their futures, and I understand it. But Rach gets on at least once a week to let me know she's alive. Neat? She got on once every two months, and then I barely even got that.
I'm not the one being selfish this time. I'm not the one keeping us from being friends. And if she can't see that, then I don't think it's worth it anymore. We've gone through so much, done so much together, and had so much fun; yet she can't see passed a few personality flaws I have, or that she has even ( like not being able to tell when I'm joking >< ). Rach has put up with each and every thing Neat has accused me of. Yes, we've fought, we've had our arguements and differences, but each time, one of us apologizes, and life is great again.
Neat just can't do that. This holding-a-grudge things, which is what I'm assuming she's doing considering we've been fighting for almost two months now, is getting rediculous. And I'm getting sick of it. If she really wants us to be friends again like I do, SHE can start apologizing, or start doing something that make me think she even gives a flying flip anymore. I'm sick of putting in all this effort just to be rewarded by cruelty and anger. She can't even say a ******** nice thing anymore, or pretend to be nice about any of it. She's just being a really big b***h.
And I'm getting tired of it. I really am. She says she's not chasing me anymore, but I have yet to see her send a friggin' email that so much at hints that she wants to be friends again. Telling me she still loves me and yelling at me in the same breath does not make me think she cares. Really it doesn't.
I can't keep doing this. She says I do a number on her emotions and that I should step back and look at the bigger picture... Maybe she should practice what she preaches a little, huh?
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Bombay's Random Writings
Random randomness from the mind of a wierd little person.
That would be me.
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