yes big ******** supprise im a bit depperssed again
music is somthing i love somthing that defines me and opens up worlds that i love to frequent. So why then WHY can it make me feel so worthless and alone. Ill sit and listen to as song and when its over I can feel it like a physicall plunge into a pit of saddness jarring me. Its somthing in me that says, :" look the life you want the words you can only whisper to yourself in the shadows never for you never. Do you know why because your just as worthless as they all think." Someone called me lovable today... she shook my hand and then through her arms around me and said " YOUR JUST SO LOVABLE" l....am i a doll or somthing, yeah thats it a doll to be used and played with right? somthing to soil and toss away until it cleans itself up absorbs the pain and sits old and reliable tattered but allways mended in time.
I CAN JUST HEAR THEM SCREAMING AT ME! its maddening I HEAR THEM the voices saying that i should learn my place and stop trying that i should back down and give up and i hate it. I hear the voices of those who love me yelling at me that i should not say such things, haha yes that means you guys along with alu and the gang. ~ sigh~ i dont know what to do, i dont think im worth it, Who knows what im to be what im used for, i just know this is what i HAVE been used for and i trust near no one at all.
Alucards_shadowgirl Community Member 
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