found on fanfiction
Disclaimer: I do not own FMA because the scenarios I come up with are often very disturbing. –points below-
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Diagrams
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“Doesn’t this come with instructions or anything?” Ed complained, causing the Flame to choke back his laughter. Of course the blond teen would be hesitant; he hated trying something new without researching it thoroughly first. And unfortunately for the young alchemist, the librarians and booksellers wouldn’t let him near the books he so desperately needed to flip through. Despite him being a prodigy, the adults simply found it “improper” to let the Fullmetal Alchemist, who really looked like he was still a young preteen, near books discussing vivid details of sexual maneuvers. And not just that, but descriptions of the mechanics of said act involving two guys.
Roy had laughed when a fuming blonde had confided in him about his ignorance on the subject. He then quickly bit his tongue when he saw Edward clenching his automail fingers deliberately into a fist.
“Don’t you have a vast knowledge of how to…you know…?” Ed hinted, desperate for some information before he agreed to take the next step in his and Mustang’s relationship.
The Colonel shook his head, grinning. “Sorry to disappoint, Edward. I’m glad you think so highly of my reputation, but I’m popular with women.”
The blonde’s shoulders slumped in defeat.
“Though I do have a vague idea of what to do,” Roy offered after a moment’s pause.
Edward shot to his feet, eyes frantic. “Really? Can you explain to me, step by step, what we’d be doing?”
“Where’s the fun in that?” Roy scoffed. “The element of surprise, especially for your first time, is of utmost importance. Trust me, Ed.”
The Fullmetal glared, biting his cheek to keep from lashing out at his commanding officer.
Sighing, the Colonel plucked a pen from his desk and grabbed a sheet from his stack of unfinished paperwork. On the back, he scribbled something long and pointy and wrote an ‘A’ on top. Next to his first drawing, he added a second picture of a hole, labeling it with a ‘B.’ “Okay, Edward. Thrust Stick A into Slot B. Repeat until satisfied.”
Edward leaned closer to the paper. “Why did you label them ‘A’ and ‘B,’ Roy? Why couldn’t it have been switched to ‘B’ and ‘A’?”
Mustang groaned internally; he could have sworn that Ed was trying to make his life difficult on purpose. “Because, Edward. ‘B’ is the hole, and it stands for ‘Back Entrance’…”
“Oh…” the blonde whistled, comprehension setting in. Then, “Your diagram sucks, Mustang.”
Roy frowned at the insult. “Fine. We’ll add a part ‘C.’” As he spoke, he drew another hole, a good deal higher on the paper when compared to the positions of pieces ‘A’ and ‘B.’ “Hole ‘C’ snaps in place over Stick ‘A.’ Suck and bob. Repeat until satisfied.”
A wide blush settled on the teen’s cheeks as he understood. “Mustang,” he growled, marching towards the other with purposeful strides. “As much as I love reading, I think I’m ready to learn with some hands-on experience.”
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A/N: …Don’t ask. Just. Don’t. Ask.
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