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you know what, i really really want to be with you. but i dont know if that is a good idea. ever since i dated brian i kinda wanted to stay away from online dating and dating in general.

some of the reasons of this include
- my friends and family and having to tell them that im going out with someone on the internet. because i dont want to keep someone a secret if im dating them, but i dont want my friends to give me that stupid "i pity you wow what a loser cant even get guys irl" look they all gave me
- the distance. not just for myself, but for the other person too. i dont want to put even more stress on someone just to talk to me on the internet day in and day out
- there is no physical contact. so far i've never met someone irl that i know from the internet. i get lonely easy and i think i want that physical connection sigh

some other reasons are that i keep comparing everything to when i was dating brian; whats different, what is the same, where i went wrong. im just carrying around so much baggage and i dont think anyone has enough room to hold it all.

i also dont want to hurt you, im really scared of that. i really like you a lot aidhfiasheuihaseius hadfuha sd and it seems really unfair for me to come in randomly and break your heart, if that ever happens.

oh man i wish things werent so complicated with me. i dont know if im making it complicated, or what? it seems impossible to forget some things.

i dont know if you understand how much of a big deal you promising to visit me one day is to me. i feel so selfish that i could take up someone's time so much, maybe that is just a self esteem thing though. it is really hard for me to explain what i am feeling, and how i am feeling. even in my head i cant... make the ideas make sense
what would someone else do if someone told them that? would they take it in their stride? am i only feeling overwhelmed because i have such strong feelings for you?

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