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My head had hit against the hard wooden closet door. It was pitch black, but I knew the room was spinning. I had one too many beers, more than my maturing body can manage. My mind was offset and I was gasping for air. She had grabbed me by the shirt and forced her lips upon mine. This was the first time I kissed someone. Let alone another female. I knew right away that my mother would kill me. For this nonsense, and drinking behind her back.

She was already upset with me for the other things that I was starting to do. It was way out of habit. But I'll explain that later on. It was early hours in the morning and I had to get back home before she awoke. Dizzy and stunned, the doors opened and we both stumble out. 'That's it you guys' the older boys said. This was my dare. They knew that I was drunk... and young. Before the cops showed up at the party house, my female friend showed me to a strangers car and spoke words which were too fast for me to handle. The next thing I know, I was at home. I made it.

This was the first night I had out in the social scene. I was sure that there will be much more where that came from as I entered my high school year. Yes, at this time I was entering my year with a bang. A bang that was my head-to the door.

My name is of unimportance right now. No one would have taken note of it anyway.
I've been back-stabbed multiple times. I've been cheated, hurt, lied to, suffered... So much that it is numb and I can no longer feel the pain. I am a young adult who no longer goes through these things now. There was a lesson that I taught to myself in all of this. But I will never re-read my chapter that I have learned. Even though I have learned it, I will always make the same mistake as if I have amnesia and my life is written in pen. Permanent and dark. Many people has affected me.
This is a summary of my life story. One day, I'll color the pages for you too see. Right now I want you to listen and visualize.

This is how it happened. I thought, 'Yes I was finally in the scene!' Then I met this girl that I became friends with, invited me to a party on a late Friday night a couple weeks before school ended before high school. I told my mother about it and she disliked the idea. I pleaded and pleaded and she kept saying 'no'. So the night finally came and I did something that I thought I never would. Making sure that she was sleeping, I crawled out my window down to the party house in my best clothes. This place was filled with people I didn't know. As I entered the house my friend was near the front of the entrance. I greeted her with a big smile and hug. 'I'm glad that you made it' she said. She was my friend. I trusted her so what was to go wrong? Everything. Older guys had hit on me. This only brought back something I didn't want to happen to me of course I couldn't pass up the opportunity. There was no other chance I would get. I drank a couple of their mixed drinks. Alcohol and drugs, there was no control of myself.

The room was spinning. My stomach was aching. But I kept going.
The last thing I knew from this night was truth or dare. Being the ignorant child I was, I chose dare.

Before then school went down hill. I was the number one kid that was picked on. I was quirky and quite, and for the most part, unattractive. I had my flaws where I think I know everything when someone came up to my face. That affected my attitude and grades a lot. At home, I had to comfort my mother and I would watch my brother until she came home from work. She was never home and I never take notice anymore of how much she was gone during the times I get home from school. And that was usually the time that I take my brother out of the house and into the street. We would sit at the local park and watch the other kids skate and swing on the squeaky swings. Over and over the s**t I got from school would replay in my head. I was never pretty enough. I would never get kissed. Never have a smile on my face as I walk down the hall with friends I should have or go to parties. This continued on till I was in 8th grade. The grade that changed my life forever. I looked myself in the mirror and grabbed a pair of old scissors. Tears were in my eyes. I had cut the last of my long brown hair.

Unlike my brother, I looked different from him. Eye color, hair, skin tone, and features that is suppose to be shared with. I was an accident baby. The condom apparently broke while my biological parents decided to have sex where there was drinking, music, more drinking and, dirty dancing. Not to forget Mattress Mambo. I guess that happens a lot anyway. I was so close to getting aborted but my mother thought that I would keep them together, forever. My birth parents started dating AFTER they found out. And that lasted about 2 years of on and off dating. When I was three years old, they officially broke up and he left us. It was never this so called 'love'. My mother and I left across the city to hopefully start anew as a family.

She was seeing new guys every month. I know she wanted another person in her life other than myself. Three more years later my little brother was born. The cutest little button I had seen. He had straight dirty blonde hair with vibrant green eyes. Total opposite of myself. I have dark wavy hair with light brown eyes. His father was now like a dad to me. Since he was born dad took care of all of us. He worked long shift nights trying to support us. My mother was doing better at this time. Then the one tragic day came. He passed away for an unexpected heart attack. He was still young for his age but plenty much older for my mother. It was the last time that I would have seen an honest man.

That was a peek through the window of my past, but enough about it. This isn't the real story. The story that is about to be told contains all the factors of what I was suppose to learned from all this. The deepest part of life for myself. There will be a lot of neglect and lying so don't be surprised that what you just read right now molded my future.