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-Confucius had his Analects and I have my journal-
In Poetry Club (yes, I actually joined poetry club), we were asked to make a poem in about 15 minutes and then we shared. It was supposed to go along the theme of lovey dovey stuffs. To be perfectly honest, I have no such feelings for anyone so it's not as gooey as most of my other lovey dovey stuffs.

Time is a harlot that sleeps with everyone but will one day bore of you
Slowly creeping, never sleeping, until your time is due
But just as quickly; divine, precious memories
Become the ones you rue.
Fresh as molding wood; like scent of you should*
If ever there lived a crime to abstractly commit
It is love recalled and soon to forget

*I hated that line and still do. I just can't think of a way to fix it. Mayhap I delete the entire line and insert a newer one?






User Comments: [2] [add]
Natsuma Oden
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Sat Sep 26, 2009 @ 04:52am
congratz on joining poetry club , Now become captain or whater it is like i did O.O . rule them


commentCommented on: Sun Sep 27, 2009 @ 02:43am
I like it. If this is what you do in a fifteen minute free write on a subject you don't like to write about, I'd love to see what happens when you take your time on something you do like. I especially like the opening line; It's an interesting way to look at time. Most think of it as a teacher, or a healer, or some form of impending doom, but a harlot is just as true.

And the first half of that starred line is interesting, another unique idea. I don't really get the second half of it. Is that the part you don't like? You could try editing the second half to follow up more on the first, tying in with the rotting wood with something other than scent. Overall, it's pretty good.



Ninth Pariah
Community Member
User Comments: [2] [add]
 
 
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