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-Friday, 3rd of July, 2009-

I didn't sleep at all today. I went to bed at about 10pm on Thursday and I kept rolling and tossing and turning until finally (at about 3:30am) I decided to call it quits and just grab some coffee, some tea and go play some video games.

I played until about 5:30, after which I made breakfast, took a shower and got ready to go to school. I had a physics test, for which I was completely unprepared. I went to school with the intention to look at the test, simply to get an understanding of what kind of questions the teacher would ask when I re-do the test. I also wanted to copy the test so I had extra practice material to work with.

The trip to school was as it always is. Long. An hour and a half of train travel, followed by either a few minutes by bus or 20 minutes of walking. There were other people from my class waiting for the bus, so I decided to take the bus and not walk (also because I could barely stand and was struggling to keep consciousness).

While I sat in the bus, Maaike (a redheaded girl with beautiful green eyes) sat down next to me. It was a pretty hot day, so everyone (other than myself) was dressed in shorts and either T-shirts or those sleeveless tops that people wear. I, of course, was wearing my long-sleeved black shirt with oversized baggy pants and my jacket (never go anywhere without it). I had my sleeves rolled up, though.
Anyway, Maaike sat down next to me and as she was talking to other people beside her, I noticed that she was sweating. Maaike is pure Dutch and has beautiful white skin.. so understandably she's fairly intollerant to heat. She smelled like sweat.. and the first thought that crossed my mind was "omg, are you sweating already?".. but after a while her sweat made my heart beat SO incredibly fast and hard.. that smell completely filled me with an almost impossible to resist urge to just pull her close and kiss her until there was no tomorrow.

I think I finally understand the concept of pheromones.. I've liked her ever since she spoke a few words of courage to me about half a year back (and I like red hair with green eyes). Somehow, the way she smelled at that precise moment brought forth an animalistic hunger for her, such as I'd never felt before. I could barely restrain myself. I was breathing heavy and she was sitting so close to me. I just kept staring at her, looking at that beautiful white skin of hers, those tiny little beads of sweat sitting on them and that incredible beauty of hers... safe to say she drove me COMPLETELY insane. I've been thinking about that moment all day now and I kinda wish I DID kiss her.. on her hand... then up her wrist.. her arms.. onto her neck and then make my way over to anywhere I wanted.

Anyway, after I somehow survived the bus ride, we arrived at the place where our test was gonna be... early, as usual. Once the wait was over (and I'd heard from pretty much everyone that they thought they were gonna fail epically), we were finally allowed inside. I took my seat, somewhere near the back, and after a while, the observer wrote something on the chalk board.
"All papers must be turned in"

In other words, I was not going to be able to copy the test and take it home with me.
So there I was, completely unprepared. Didn't have anything other than a pen on me.
Luckily we got a sheet with all the useful equations on it. So I was able to write SOMETHING down. But even if I got everything that I wrote down perfectly correct.. I'd still probably only get about 30% MAX.
So either way, this was an epic failure.

After that I just went home, my uncle was there, fixing up a fan for my grandparents ('cause it was hot, remember?).
We had a nice chat and laughed. The dishwasher's malfunctioning too, so he asked me if I knew which part needed to be replaced. (some kind of temperature sensor).
After he left I just went into my room, played some games, ate lunch, then did some studying, then played more games, then took a nap. And before I took a nap, my mom, her boyfriend and my half-brother showed up. (and so, I decided to sleep, hoping they'd be gone by the time I woke up... I don't like getting visits from my half-brother, even though he's only 5 years old.)

So when I woke up, they were still there. I decided I'd just go out and say hi. So I did... and everything went fine.. and then my mom decided to try to sleep on the couch (apparently her boyfriend left to go help a friend or something, so he wasn't there). My little brother kept accidentally bumping into her or the couch, causing her to wake up every 5 minutes. It visibly annoyed her, so I figured I'd go with him into the hallway so she could get some rest. Managed to keep him there for a little while, then I got tired and went to bed (while he wasn't looking... muahahhaa). By the time I woke up, they were just about to leave.
So I hugged her, gave her a kiss and said my goodbyes.

After that nothing special happened for a while. I ate dinner, played some more games, watched some TV.
Then I went to check my Gaia and found my lovable and most precious Gaia daughter Amber online. Which is awesome because I haven't seen her online in quite some time. We exchanged some messages, talked about how much we cared about eachother.
She told me about the person she loved. Sounds like at least that much is going her way. Well, I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'll always love you, Amber.

Overall this day was fairly normal.. the one thing that'll stick with me for a while is what happened in the bus. I want that feeling back. I want to be alone with her the next time it happens. I want to feel my heart pound all the way through my chest, I want to feel that incredible feeling course through my veins and I want to be able to just kiss her without having to restrain myself because there are other people around.
This is the second time I didn't take a chance to do something... I could've kissed her twice by now... what the hell is wrong with me.

(I'll tell you what's wrong. Whenever I think about being in an actual relationship with her, I get scared. Scared that maybe I don't really REALLY like her as much as I let myself think. I'm guessing this is what they mean with fear of commitment, huh?)

~Rosano~