At this point now, I just want to cry. I want this and that but I'm just selfish and cruel. That's all I have ever been. Selfish SELFISH! Don't tell me I'm not because you don't know the things I hide inside. The things I keep from others to make me sound like a better person. I also keep the pain hidden inside.. Well we are telling the truth aren't we? So lets here more. I bet your life is better than mine.. wait.. what am I doing?
^ this isn't right.. it's making me sound rude n mean. I have so much all compacted in side heart. It wants to explode, I'm taking my anger out on others. "ITS JUST NOT FAIR..." is what I tell myself all the time.. Well it isn't fair. Life wasn't made to make everything fair. Just the stuff that doesn't need to be isn't fair. Life is different to me. I don't wanna go anywhere. The one place I wanna be at always is in his arms sitting on his lap and watching some gay movie. Sounds cheezy? Well I don't care much because I love him. The first person I got to say I love you to. And was a Boy that I liked. haha redface . And the best thing is about that place my best friend lives there two. If I lived there I'd be with her 24/7 she is my life. Because she rocks my socks! Haha! I miss that.. That song your gonna miss this.. is very true. but in different ways. Your gonna miss this.. Your gonna want this bad.. Your gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast.. Those days of watching gay movies.. Well I miss that. </3 I wish God were to give me another chance to show him that I can keep something special to me. Because I was happy. And so was everyone else. I would actually keep it forever and ever and make sure nothing went wrong. I'm just asking for one last chance. To show him that I could keep everything I've ever wanted balanced. I'd be happy again. I can be happy with others but they always say I treat them badly when really I don't and really there just confused themselves because they don't know what I go through. I watch and cry and get frustrated over things that I care about. It's all apart of being a teenager right? Well sounds like I'm obsessed but really I'm not. I just care for someone. It's hard to let go. But I never see him so you can't call it obsessed. When I see him I can barley get a few words out. I blush n smile. and he calls me some retarded name. ha (: i always love the names .. even though there kinda mean.. haha like ding dong. or something. I guess I am jealous of the others that are happy. So I wish I could live in there shoes but I like mine so.. I'll keep them <3 Hopefully I change and become more responsible in my actions and take pride in my doings. smile
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Live Life and Love life in happiness
Life is very confusing and hard but you have to live it your own way. Don't anyone stop you with forfilling your dreams. Live your life a cool way.
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I don't think you sound rude, mean or selfish. You have a wonderful heart, and you need to follow it. Don't worry about what others think or feel, you can't help that.
Sometimes we get hurt and sometimes others get hurt. Look for the lesson in all you do.
Your great and will be even greater.
Love and miss you,
Auntie Heidi xoxo
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