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oh my god i should really start writing again. it helps me think things over... which helps alot.. you know cause then i realize that you know what i could've been worse.... well it has really been hectic since school started.. and you know what i isn't getting any better. and it probably won't. and you know what i thought being a sophmore was dramatic. but nope being a junior is just as or worse than sophmore drama. well i really haven't gotten alot of sleep since my boyfriend broke up with me. like all together i think i got at least 15 min. of sleep which really sucks. i'm really tired. and there's all these guys crowding me. now that i have no boyfriend i'm back on the market... and the guys are lookin hard. they'er payin high. i never reallly knew how many people liked me.. and they usually seem to come when i'm off the market. and then they're like cats watching a fish bowl. waiting for one to at least come close enough to catch.... so now that i'm back on the market they are crowding big time... well i hate that at least 2 of the guys that like me are not there anymore. i can't have them. even though i love them alot. well there's my friend tasadar i love him. i do but i screwed up my chance. and maybe someday we'll have a chance. but i really hope not because the one that he's got.. they really deserve eachother. and i'm glad that they're going out with eachother.. so i'm happy for him. i'm happy cause he's happy. he's been one of the bestest friends i've ever had. you would think that a person like him would be happy. and love his life. he's saved my life. and was there when no one else was. and he's always happy to see me. and that makes me happy. i really hope he get the best he deserves the best. and then there's my frind ninja. and it's basically the same. but my chances of going out with him are slim to none. i was going to go out with him when i was in jr high. but when i finally desided to do it. i heard that he was moving away... so i screwed up my chance.... yeah idiot.
well this is what i want to do is to accually than and tell my friends thank you for being there. and yes this includes jake and john.
josh- well he's really accually one of the bestest friends i've ever had n my life. he's saved my life more than any other friends. cause all of my friends have saved my life. but anyways. he hasn't only treated me as a frind but i've been a daughter a sister, a lover. i know what it's like . he gave me that. and i'm never going to forget it. i know that well be friends forever. but um. while i was going out with jake. when jake started being an a** to me at least.. well what happened was that i got into trouble and had to go to lock up for it. and i was there for 2 months and when i got back he was the first one to tell me that jake cheated on me. but then again i was so stupid.... i didn't beleive him. so i went on. after 9th grade he kept pushing on me to do things and i really don't like myself. and he was cheating on me again. with some grl in bountiful. and he kept denying it. but i knew that he was cause i saw her and i talked to her. well josh was one that was there when i really needed to talk. he didn't blow me off. well then when i went to high school i went out with john. and we were fine till the last months. till i came back from my foster home.. and josh always wanted to spend and hang out. well i guess what i should say is that he has never let me down. he has never givin me a reason not to trust him. he never leaves me out in the open he always thinks of the other person before himself and a person like that has alot going for him. adn i hope it's all good. he need the best he deserves the best.. so yeah that's josh!!! love you man!! don't die on me anytime. hold on i know you can do it. things'll get better in the end.
justn- well we were friends. but then again he was the other one that i really liked but then again i was really stupid to realize that i deserved better. i really wanted to go out with him but he moved away. and last year he came down for a visit. and i really wanted to see him. but by that time me and jake were broken up. but we told eachother that we were still friends. but when i asked jake if he wanted to come with me to see justin. jake said that he didn't like me ant that he only liked me because i went out with jake. and i was jakes grlfriend so i was like screw it. and then i really was upset for not seein him. well then i heard my friend josh
( above ^ ) told me that he talked to him and that he was on gaia. so i wrote him an we've been in contact. we talk about whatever. but we call him ninja for one. i've never seen it but all the guys say that he was the best at sword fighting. or something. and that he would be the bruise lee of 2007. but when i talk to him. he is very wise. he has alot of wise advise. and he has a frl which is good. and i hope she treats him right, cause i know for a fact that he would never hurt or disrespect a girl on purpose.... no at all. he respects the people that deserve it. and that is nice. i wish i could be as respectful as he was.
ajohn- he was my boyfriend after jake. and i really loved him. the first time.. to tell you the truth what happened. was that um he.. my intention wasn't to fall in love with him. when i first desided to go out with john was to make jake jealouse. well then after... awhile.. things got to be more than what i expected. i accually started to love him.. and i still do.. and i wish i can have him in my arms.
but anyways although when we were going out.. i talked alot of s**t but i really did love him and i know that he loved me... cause i really didn't think that he would've stayed that long with me if he didn't... even though it was really hard at times.
well then there's brandee she is always so full of spirit. and she is always willing to put a face on anyone.. she has the personality that would make anyone fall inlove with her.. it was kinda funny cause the first time that i met her i thought she was really weird. but then i accualy got to know her and talked to her and she is the cutest person i know... and i would never tade her for anything.
there's alot that i want to write but.... i can't say all the words that i want to...
but i want to say my friends are are my family and my hero's and i love them very much i would do anything for them....
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