Instead of awesome Angsty Loverboys Harry and Ron, we get the lovely, touching Dead Cedric and the Cardboard Girl- I mean Twilight. Okay. I realize that may be a bit harsh, but come on. Twilight is the trashiest thing I have ever read in my entire life. Here’s my summary of the books (mainly Breaking Dawn).
[rant starts here]
Bella: Cardboard girl. No personality and no substance. OO, EDWARD!
Jacob: Obnoxious *****. I IMPRINTED ON YO' BEHBEH.
Edward: "Look after my heart. I left it with you." Who SAYS things like that? More like, HEY PRETTY LADY I'MA KNOCK YOU UP NOW.
Quil: Also *****! But nice *****. HEY I JUST GOT HIT IN THE HEAD REPEATEDLY WITH ROCKS!
Charlie: Silly human. MAN YOU CAN’T TELL ME NOTHIN, RIIGHT?
Renee: And her other silly human mate. TEEHEE I’M NOT EVEN IN THIS BOOK!
Rosalie: Perfect bitsch. OMNOMNOM BEHBEHS.
Renesmee: Loch Ness Monster. LEMME TOUCH YO' FACE.
And all those other people! Tanya, Benjamin, Kachiri, Maggie, Siobhan, Vladimir, Irina, Carmen, Eleazar, Aro, Alex, Jane, Rodrigo and Gabriella or whatever the hell their names are……
[/end rant]
Emmett, Jasper, Seth, Leah, Kate and Garrett made the whole series worthwhile for me. End Twilight Book Discussion 101.
The movie looks okay, though the title would do better to be Dead Cedric and the Cardboard Girl.
Okay. That’s all good and well, but if I hear someone comparing Harry Potter to Twilight….I am going to pull my face out. Wait what? I will pull my face out? Okayy….
So now we wait for a real movie to come out. Send Howlers to WB, please.
TL;DR.
