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	Quiet Star and Silent Moon Presentations Randomness is the Key.

	Just how it is...
	Just how it is...


Ugh. Everything is so messed up right now. My life cannot possibly get any worse unless I was injured, dead, or suddenly orphaned. The latter not being so bad I guess. Considering all that's happening, the last two options are actually not so bad. Life and my parents being two of my problems. I know I know. "If you're gonna kill yourself, then stop talking about it and do it." right? Well, I can't. I'm so many things, and cowardly is one of the most prominent ones. I cannot simply end it because I'm worried about what will happen to him. The very man who break my heart, no, utterly shattered it into itty-bitty pieces of hearty dust. I care about him so much that even though half of my pain comes from him (and the other half from my parents) I cannot stop this pain by ending my life, because I'm afraid of how he'll take it. He's already lost two friends, who died after they broke up with one another because of one another, (R.I.P Anthony) so I can't imagine how he'll take me killing myself because of him. But what pisses me off, is now that he's broken up with me, he won't take me back because I'm now one of his "ex-girlfriends". Freaking lame! If people never took back their 'ex's or people who hurt them once, then so many people would not be together even though now they've solved their problems (such as my parents). I think it was too late for him to break up with me because I got mad at something HE did, because for two years, TWO FREAKING YEARS, I have let myself admit that I love him. I love him. Its so obnoxious that this has happened because now I can't move on. And none of my friends know how this is because they've never gone out with him. Whatever. But it kills me because he knows that what's hurting me most is this picture he has of me on his myspace in which he still considers me a girlfriend even though I (my myspace friends-link-picture-thing) am not even on his profile anymore, you have to search for me. Can you say "confusing"? And especially since when I was texting him (which really makes me angry because everytime I do he has to ask who I am because he erased all the numbers I text him from.) one day I told him that I was going away for a little while for my birthday (not so sweet sixteen) and hopefully I could get over him by then. (We broke up in August. Happy one year. It's over! Grrr...) and he tells me "Well that shouldn't be a problem." ... What shouldn't be a problem? Me getting over him? Well, after confusing me and getting my hopes up, I ask him what he meant and he changed the subject! My hopes: crushed like a coke can. confused-o-meter: \|----I-\| Frustrated-o-meter: \|------I\| Again. Whatever. Sometimes I wish he could give me a straight, unhurtful answer. Have not been lucky so far. Signed, Akira Necris insert random rose here euya · Mon Oct 20, 2008 @ 08:43am · 0 Comments


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Kiss me until my eyes bleed black ink on to the canvas of your skin.

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