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"Of all the judgments we pass in life, none is more important than the judgment we pass on ourselves." Nathaniel Branden, a psychologist with a background in philosophy, spoke these words in hope to help those of us with little self worth. The quote, in essence, means that we are the ones whose judgments mean the most to ourselves. And it is true, with every thought in our head and every experience we indulge ourselves in, it is always our own self that decides how we feel about ourselves. Everything depends on whether we can tell ourselves it is all okay, and believe in it as well. It is easy to look down and be pessimistic, to see the sadder parts of life and to see ourselves as something unable to be loved. The thing we must always remember is, however, is that we are the ones that control how we feel in the end. There are always things that effect us; family, physical health, school, work, relationships outside of the family, and social life all play a part in how we react to our daily lives. It all depends on how we allow ourselves to take what comes at us, and that is part of how we value ourselves.

Buddha once said, "You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection. For a man who gave up living in wealth and comfort to travel the world and see the pain in people's lives, Buddha's words have always inspired people to better themselves. He places responsibility for how we live on ourselves, "As an irrigator guides water to his fields, as an archer aims an arrow, as a carpenter carves wood, the wise shape their lives." Whether or not you re a Ph.D. in natural sciences, or a five year old child, you control how you develop. While a child can see mommy and daddy doing certain things, and certainly learns these behaviors, when they are able to think on their own terms they realize things about themselves their mother and father never taught them. We learn that our talents, looks and intelligence all play a very large part in how we place ourselves in society. While this is true, we must also look at ourselves for things other than those external manifestations.

"Our bodies are not who we are - they are a part of our being in this lifetime - but they are not who we Truly are... Looks, talent, intelligence - external manifestations of our being are gifts to be celebrated. They are temporary gifts. They are not our total being. They do not define us or dictate if we have worth. We were taught to do it backwards. To take our self-definition and self-worth from temporary illusions outside of, or external to our beings. It does not work. It is dysfunctional."

As stated in Robert Burney's book, Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls, we see that as people we put far too much on things that will mean nothing in a few years. We make ourselves beautiful, and we grow old. We strive for talent, and soon are too weak to use them. We study and look for knowledge, but when we have become aged we forget most of what we know. All of it is a learned habit, however; we look at what other people want because in our society that is what is important. We lose ourselves in our strife to be perfect, and are left with nothing but grief for things we cannot be.

Taken into account something we all have been through, how we end up dealing with our self worth. Watching how far we can fall, we always forget to remind ourselves there is a way back up to the top. No matter the cause, no matter the heartbreak, there is always a way to redeem the life we so often let slide. It does not take alcohal, drugs, or a significant other to make us feel as though we mean something in life. We do not need medication, nor do we need to take a knife across our wrist. What we need is ourselves, the thought in our head that no matter who leaves us or what we endure, we will always have ourself and nobody can take that away from us. We take drugs and destroy ourselves, which is the only way we can have everything taken away. It is all up to us in the end.

Many people put too much into possessions and people who in the end fade away. We loved those who will use us and throw us aside, all so that we can feel five minutes of something we think can be bigger than ourselves. We search for it, yearn for it, and a lot of times when we do find it we throw it away because we are afraid of it. Our emotions blind us, and we hide from it in things we are used to, because as humans we are afraid of the things we do not know. We fear things we cannot control. We try to escape from things we cannot control, by using any means neccessary. We become sucked into it then, because often we try to fix things and end up making everything worse.

It always comes back to us though. We control our own lives. No matter what fate brings, we're the ones that walk the path we choose. Whether we end up rich or poor, it was meant to happen, we all die, but we are the ones who choose it all. People have two things they can be,
that fate brings, that we're left to resolve. It may not be something people like to hear. Many psychiatrists will agree people need to remember they are worth more than a boyfriend or girlfriend, that they are worth more than their future. A person as a human being is worth all the gold in the world, and that's something we need to remember. People try to kill themselves over silly things that can be fixed, because they see nothing good about themselves. They lose a loved one and suddenly life has no meaning. They don't think that they are anything without that person, and people fall into ditches of their own doing.

Of course it seems weird to some of us that someone else would kill themself over a failed relationship, but it's honestly something that happens. They see things as hopeless, fall into depression. They value themselves for what they had, and believe they'll never have it again. Watching movies and listening to songs that tell us, "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." Why, though, do we believe people will love us for who we are if we don't love ourselves? Why are we surprised when a relationship falls through, and we are left with the person we hate the most; ourselves. It's never easy to change how you see yourself, it's never easy to get over the preconception that we have about who we are. There are always ways to change though, even if they may be difficult. "Love Yourself: Heal Your Life Workbook" by Louise Hay has a few steps to take to improve your self image:

Stop all criticism. Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.

Dont scare yourself. Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It's a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure, and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.

Be Gentle, kind and patient. Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.

Be kind to your mind. Self-hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don't hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts.

Praise yourself. Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.

Support yourself. Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.

Be loving to your negatives. Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So lovingly release the old negative patterns.

Take care of your body. Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise can you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.

Mirror work. Look into your eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents looking into the mirror. Forgive them too. At least once a day say: "I love you, I really love you!"

Love yourself...do it now. Don't wait until you get well, or lose the weight, or get the new job, or the new relationship. Begin now - and do the best you can.

Above all, always remember that you are something that is wonderful. Think about it this way: Someone has fifty dollars. Would you want it? Of course. What if its crumpled? Sure, it's fifty dollars. Now let's say they dropped it on the floor- still want it? Of course, it's fifty dollars. What if they stepped on it, would you still want it? No doubt. No matter what they did to the money, you would still want it, because it didn't decrease in value. It would still be worth fifty dollars.

Many times in our lives we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the floor by the decisions we make, and the circumstances that come our way. We feel worthless. However, no matter what happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value: dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who love you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by who we are, and who we allow ourselves to be. We make ourselves, and we are the only ones who can destroy who we are. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Never give consent, and never give up on yourself. In everything we will ever learn, is that we should love ourselves, because only then can we truly be loved in return.