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I never thought I'd fall back to this low... Unable to keep the tears away, unable to feel happy for more than a moment.... And even then it's a fleeting beat of nothing.
I was stupid to believe. I was stupid to think anyone could love me for more than the husk of my ******** flesh. I don't hate him, I love him. I told him I would wait for him forever, and he said it may never be.
But I'm not missing anything. He is the only thing I came back for... reincarnation brings hate and sadness along with it. I came back to tell him my past death was not his fault, so how would I contradict it now with killing myself? I can't, too many people depend on me being alive. I just wish I could really be selfish like my mom says... like everyone in my family says.
I just want to be loved, by him. I spoke to him today and that's all I came down to, I love him... and he told me he loves me. I wish I could believe it.
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bad habit
by The Dresden Dolls

biting keeps your words at bay
tending to the sores that stay
happiness is just a gash away
when i open a familiar scar
pain goes shooting like a star
comfort hasn't failed to follow so far...

and you might say it's self-indulgent
you might say its self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be healthy

& pens and penknives take the blame
crane my neck & scratch my name
but the ugly marks
are worth the momentary gain...
when i jab a sharpened object in
choirs of angels seem to sing
hymns of hate in memorandum

and you might say it's self-indulgent
and you might say it's self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be happy

and sappy songs about sex and cheating
bland accounts of two lovers meeting
make me want to give mankind a beating

and you might say it's self-destructive
but, you see, i'd kick the bucket
sixty times before i'd kick the habit

and as the skin rips off i cherish the revolting thought
that even if i quit
there's not a chance in hell i'd stop
and anyone can see the signs
mittens in the summertime
thank you for your pity, you are too kind

and you might say its self-inflicted
but you see that's contradictive
why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?

and pain opinions are sitcom feeding
they dont know that their minds are teething
makes me want to give mankind a beating

i'm tried bandages and sinking
i've tried gloves and even thinking
i've tried vaseline
i've tried everything
and no-one cares if your back is bleeding
they're concerned with their hair receding
looking back it was all maltreating
every thought that occurred misleading

makes me want to give myself a beating....