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Trust in life, the life it dies,
And I'm alive, yes I'm alive.
faith in lies, the truth it dies,
and I'm alive, yes I'm alive.
I've fallen harder than before,
You trace I score,
My faith, abhorred,
My days, ignored.
A faith in innocence,
In prepubescent insolence,
My trust has gone,
My faith it longs,
For a touch so sincere so quaint and so small,
That makes such a difference to the souls of us all,
And my hope is in there, my desire still intact,
My loss of innocence, my failure for tact.
And the hope calls me on, the lingering song,
The desolate beauty that carries me on,
My words like a knife towards my own disregard,
my worries so hurried I'm lost in this cause,
Forget it I'm done I can write this no more,
The mortician obscured lives with words of forlorn...
Double comma, single pause, my heart in the clause,
These words shall mean naught, this life for the jaws...
the jaws, the jaws, the jaws.
Flesh from bone,
and heart from vein.
Life from love,
This head from brain.
Take it all, and all shall be gained,
for the loved lost at first,
is lost for I and the blame.
 Draven · Sat May 23, 2009 @ 10:56am · 0 Comments |
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Love at first sight, or should I walk by again? |
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Currently Listening To:
Head Automatica-The Razor
Current Mood:
neutral
So.....things are ******** up again, but who do I complain too? I don't want too burden others with my troubles, and I don't want everyone too know that I'm all ******** up inside. When will it be my time to stand out for who I am? I'm afraid, I'm so goddamned afraid that I'm never going to amount to anything. It seems like everyone else has more talent in their pinky than I do in my whole body. My bass skills are abyssmal at best, My vocals are retarded, And I can't think of a single intelligent thing I've ever done in my life...Will I end up just like everyone says I will? Hopefully not, I'll keep my head held high for as long as I have the people I need most around me, I'll try my best to keep going and improve. I just want to make people happy, but it seems I only make things worse. People are growing distant again, just like the last time. The real me is starting to come back and the more it comes back, the more people run away from me. Who's gonna be left when it's just me....who's gonna care.....WHO WILL LOVE ME WHEN I CAN'T LOVE MYSELF?!?!?! I question everything, and still can't find a single answer......
Draven · Tue Nov 22, 2005 @ 06:28am · 7 Comments |
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<center><img src="http://www.danmullenphoto.com/images/razorblade.jpg"></center>
<center>Current Mood: cry </center>
<center>Currently Listening Too: Gun in Hand-Stutterfly</center>
Okay peoples this is gonna be a long one cuz I'm in one of those depressed moods so you better grab a soda and some tissue... ;_;
Hmmm It seems I find myself in my latest sleep deprived ramblings as I find myself destroying everything I think I love. Let's talk about the rain, the rain is such a peaceful entity, a goddess in it's own rite. Everytime it rains, I sit there and soak it all in, freezing cold and soaking wet I the world seems to respond to my heartache. It's like the earth, gaia itself, weeps for me. It doesn't really matter though cuz we're all ******** up in some way, Some worse than others, some less, some hold down the middle area. I tend to think I'm at the furthest end of the analytical spectrum I've created for myself, but I hate catagorizing, So maybe we're all on equal terms. ******** it, who cares.
<center>This is not for the weak at heart,
Or the upturned stomach of your mind.
We define a life of comatose apprehension
and broken dreams of the convalesent life.
The broken among us will understand the meaning,
Having lived the life we lead as an undesirable.
Passion extends to greet the sanity that unfolds,
As we reveal ourselves, our hearts, and our minds.
This is just the beginning!!!!!!
</center>
Sometimes I feel like I hate myself. I feel like my life is a constant trainwreck, I'm doomed to a life of constructive ******** criticism, and I blasphemize myself through letting myself live. What did it all mean? What did I mean..... If dreams come when I die, I'll just want to kill myself again, So I can dream again about the pain, and revolve around my temptous suicide. My temptations outweigh my conscience as I slice open the veins that lead to my heart, how it even bleeds anymore is amazing in that I thought it was broken.....But I guess it's true that hearts are just an organ to pump blood, they contain no emotion and they contain no ******** love. All they contain is blood.....the blood that's flowing now. I guess I couldn't handle it anymore, the times seem to change so fast, I guess I couldn't do it anymore.....Why was I so paranoid when it came to her, was she truth for me. I feel so alive when she says she loves me, and yet now I feel so empty, she says she's playing a game with people, telling someone else she loves them isn't a game to me.....it hurts, it hurts so goddamn much I just wanna bleed the ******** pain away in an eternal nightmare washing up on the shores of my ******** wretched soul as it all fades away into a comatose apprehension of my sad, shallow, greedy, selfish, delicate, tempetuous, volitale, arrogant, unwanted, hateful, destructive, self. I don't know what to think anymore....Especially considering that we haven't been together in about 5 months now. And then there's another girl that I used to date but don't anymore, and she's so in love with me but I can't love her anymore, I want too and I've tried too, and everyone seems to think at my house that I'm going out with her again, but I'm not, and they think we're screwing, and we're not, and they think I leave when I get drunk too go too her house and have sex, but I'm not, I haven't had sex in over 8 months now. I guess noone really wants me anyways, I can't have sex with someone without some type of feeling of love. I can't just ******** someone for the fun of it like Wiley does. And I constantly put on this charade that I'm just a crazy drunk goofy guy, but really I'm dying inside every day. I just wanna make people like me, is that so wrong to want some appreciation. I really feel like noone besides Wiley cares about me, He's like my brother, I know he can be very very shallow at times, but there's more in him than most people think. He would honestly give me the shirt off his back anytime I needed it.
I sit and watch her kill herself,
I sat and saw how she tried too hate the pain,
I fell and tried to stop the bleeding,
I COULDN'T MAKE IT STOP!!
I COULDN'T MAKE IT STOP!!
I'll find my own way!
To help me through my ways,
And I'll try it every day,
I'LL NUMB THE PAIN!!
I'LL NUMB THE PAIN!!
I think I believe in love,
I think I believe it sucks,
I think they believe in me,
BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE!!
NO!!! I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IN ME!!
THEY MADE ME PROMISE TO STAY ALIVE!!
THEY MADE ME PROMISE TO ******** TRY!!
THEY MADE ME SWEAR!! THEY MADE ME SWEAR!!
BUT I LIED!! I LIED!! I LIED!! I ******** LIED!!!!!!!
And I won't talk to you when I hate myself,
I'll spare you this pitiful cry for help!
I'll spare you my stupid ******** bitching!!
And I'll hold it in....until,
UNTIL I EXPLODE!!! I'LL EXPLODE!!
SPARE YOU THIS CRY!!
I'LL SPARE YOU FROM MYSELF!
I'LL SPARE IT ALL, EVERYONE....
YOU'VE ALL BEEN SPARED!!!!!
The light reintinsifies as I fall deeper into shadow and the hearts of the damned find their way into my mind. I found a new truth today in sorrow and the rain blistered my soul as it touched and reached and pulled deeper into me. If I could just find someway, somehow to enjoy the things I'm after. But it seems to me that nothing is ever the same when you try so hard to make it all different. So ******** the truth and ******** the light, ******** everything I try to hide and find. Just ******** it all up.
Cut stars in my arms to watch it bleed,
I've done this to make myself feel the pain.
I've found love in her eyes and pain in the blade,
Love or Pain? I'll take love anyday.....
I fell so hard I broke both my legs,
I need them no longer because I've already
walked into her heart, So now I'll never need to walk again. And the scabs have healed leaving wounded scars,
One last reminder of how it was....
How it was before her..........
The night sheds a tear in fear of falling apart, As love entwines itself in our world, I see the dark, How could anyone try love love someone as ******** up as me? But I've seen that you try, It means so much to me, believe. I wish I could be your beautiful sunset at the end of the road, But it seems like I've got nothing to give you, but only you do I wish to hold, Maybe I'm not so much the sun as I am the time riddled moon, But maybe, just maybe, the moon is beautiful to you. For my sake and the sake of my heart, I'll try forever, I'll scream in the dark.... "The rain is falling down, there's a storm front on my back, Trying to keep, Trying to keep me away from you. A strangers up ahead, holding a knife, Trying to keep, trying to keep me away from you. The stars are falling down, breaking up the road, Trying to keep me away from you... I'll scream till I bleed! I'll Scream stay away from me! You can't keep me back, You can't keep me back, what did i say? why do you give a s**t? theyre trying to pry into my brain but im gone im running down highways til i see your face i just need to see you now i just need to see you now i dont care about anything else" They can't keep me from her, For as much as I love seclusion, I'm giving myself to ashes....
I found myself today in a letter to you,
And in that letter I found a new belief.
I found myself today in a song I wrote for you,
And in that song I found perfect bliss.
I woke up whispering screams to my own ghost of a self,
I watched myself fade away and fall apart
The voices told me what I really saw,
I saw you kill me, you stabbed my blistered heart.
Draven · Mon Oct 10, 2005 @ 02:06pm · 0 Comments |
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<center>::Now Listening To::</center>
<center>Blindside-Painting</center>
<center>::Current Mood::</center>
<center> stare </center>
Well today is just another normal day in the life of a struggling musician. We auditioned a drummer named Jason last Tuesday. And I think He'll work out!! It's gonna be great I think. What else. OH!! I went and saw Constantine on Saturday....but I don't remember any of it cuz I was drunk. *hint* Next time you go watch a movie, do it sober *hint* I'm going to do something tomorrow...I just haven't figured it out yet! ^_^
<center>::Now Listening To::</center>
<center>Sevendust-Shine</center>
I don't really have much else to say today. But uhm...I guess I'm going to let you go so you can stop reading my idiotic journal! Love you!
~Draven Trueblood IV~
Draven · Tue Mar 01, 2005 @ 04:52am · 1 Comments |
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Ahhh... Another Boring Day |
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Dear Kitty,
Tis another boring day in the Military. I left for the U.S. Army on Sept 15 2004. I just finished basic training and things still suck. I'm stuck in Ft. Sill Oklahoma. I snuck off post so that I could come to the taco bell and use the internet. I do this every day so I'm getting pretty good at infiltrating military security...(Yeah right) Anyway...things suck, I get letters from little kids in school (Some kind of soldier support program) and they all tell me "Don't Die"....Hmmm Very Reassuring. Just so everyone knows...I don't really support the government, I just work for them. I could care less about the politics and war ravaged social order in which we distinguish ourselves as "Americans" not that I don't care about my country, I just don't care about it's government. Anyway, My ranting and raving has gone far enough
Love,
GI DRAVEN
Draven · Fri Dec 03, 2004 @ 10:01pm · 0 Comments |
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