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So my pos car's engine blew last week.... so.... I bought a new car!

I got myself a 2004 Saturn Ion. It is pretty and black and smaller for moi. It gets good gas mileage and has a six disc cd/mp3 player. Hooray.

.... the only thing that sucks is that I am still learning to drive it because it's a manual.

If you really think about it, there really is nothing worth living for. What is the point of wasting away your days trying to find happiness and acceptance when you know you never will. I can't trust anyone. People that I thought were my closest friends betrayed me. People that I cared about more than anything showed that they really didn't care for me all that much. So I am not caring anymore. When I get my insurance back I am asking the doctor for the best meds I can get. I don't want to feel. Especially when the only thing in my life is pain. But in the end we are all alone anyway so what does it matter. The only person that can really know you and understand you is yourself and even then that sometimes isn't the case.
My dad is gone and now so is Nicole, McKenzie, and Maddox. I live in my mothers living room for crying out loud and I will never get out of debt or this cycle of unhappiness. I have to find yet another job because I can't even afford the bills I have to pay. What am I supposed to do with myself? The meds I have right now don't work. They just make me sick. I can't just up and follow everyone to Macon because I can't just turn my back on the bills like Nicole did.
What do you regret in life? Nearly everything I have done. Every step I have taken has led me down a path of disappointment and despair. There are so many things I wish I hadn't done and so many people I wish I hadn't let into my life. I wish I could just turn the clock back and be done with it all. Get out of here and start over. I want nothing more than to disappear from the life I have now and start fresh. Pretend I am someone else and live somewhere far away from here.

Quick update:

Father is selling the house because he says I'm the only thing left there for him and we have no money to keep it. Second job at Uno's sucks. I'm going to quit when I go in on tuesday (haven't even finished orientation). Was sick for family reunion. Broken up with boyfriend. Apparently the first month is the hardest. My sister has decided that our side of the family will never see her or McKenzie again. McKenzie was crying for me and my dad when they left just a few minutes ago. One of my best friends has just left for Florida. I wish her the best of luck with her Disney internship. I'm still trying to struggle through community college for my associates.

I have never felt so miserable and alone. Everything is just so hard. Everything hurts. I'm so tired.

I'm still trying to choke down the last bit of Danse Macabre. +le sigh+ It's just so hard.

I saw Harry Potter yesterday. I must say I was highly disappointed. I am interested in seeing it at the imax in 3D, though. Work is having a contest tomorrow. Whoever gets the most Harry Potter questions right wins a free copy of the seventh book. How I love being a nerd. It should be easy enough. (Not that it really matters. I am already recieving a copy day of release.)

Speaking of work, I am transferring over to Starbucks in a few weeks. You make more money, get to smell coffee all day, close at nine, and get a guaranteed 35 hours. I say yes to that. I'm a bit nervous though. ^^

To answer your questions, Asher:
1. They haven't posted them on the site yet
2. I'm still with Seth... sort of sweatdrop

My cousin Matt finally tied the noose +cough+ I mean knot. I love being 21 for weddings. It makes things so much more enjoyable. I even +ominous music+ danced! +le gasp+
The dress I picked out for it did exactly what it was meant to do. Some people didn't recognize me and others were shocked that I was that little girl that used to bother my cousin and his friends while they played poker at my grandmother's house. "Look who went and grew up on us!"
My cousin Michelle told me that I was hot and gorgeous and to know it and own it. +goes red+ I'm not sure about all that but eh.. for the night I was pretty proud of my appearance.

The boyfriend and I aren't doing so good (again) but a good friend is helping me get my life in order. She wants me to intern with her at Disney next fall and then do some over seas studies. I think it sounds like a plan. I just have to hurry with my associates now so I can transfer to an actual university by then.

Who wants an update? +waits+ No one? +le sigh+ Well too bad for you :XP:

I had my tonsils out a week early. Sure I was still sick, but it was better to get them out then and have a longer recovery than be put back in the hospital. My health is doing better but the medical bills have me crying. I have to get cut open again for tests soon but they have already charged me as much as they can for the year. Ouch.

My dad is living with my grandparents for a few months which means I get the house to myself... along with the bills sweatdrop Yeah... I'm dead broke and looking for a second job at the moment.

My sister's cat died the other night from FIP which means I get to watch my cat closely to make sure he doesn't catch it. I don't think I could stand to lose Poe so soon.

On a happier note... I went to Disney World!!!!


This shot was amazing.

Ariel made me be in the picture... boo hiss XP I had a sun burn... and was just embarrassed... and look like I'm fourteen

Hooray for the villains!!!

You will get more when I actually have time to go through them all.

Does anyone ever wright in these things anymore? Does anyone ever read them anymore? Does anyone even care anymore?

... Just some thoughts

(The title came from my three year old niece. "McKenzie, where are my keys?" "+shrugs+ I not sure." wink

... Yeah... I had to to it.

As you all know, I have been back for a bit but suddenly went poof again. Yes, my carriage turned back into a pumpkin and my health went down the crapper.

I was in the hospital for about a week with strep that led to tonsilitis that led to mono. Oh yeah, the strep was in my joints too. They couldn't get my fever below one hundred and had an infectious deseases doctor looking at me. Well I'm getting better. I lost 15 lbs that I really kinda needed. Being only 100 scares the crap out of me so I get to drink ensure to get my weight back.

I'm getting my tonsils removed on the 15 of May (finally... I've only had strep every year of my life since I was five stare ) and will be doing lots of other tests for the other problems that my body has had for a while.

Another reason for abscence is thatmy dad is needing the computer for business and money to pay for the internet seems a bit more important than losing it all together because we can't pay the bills, don't ya think?

But I miss you all and will do my best to be back soon.