I ... I.. I.. want to love you
Even if it's not right
What can I do
This feeling... my heart is racing like never before. Like I feel happy. I feel really the happiness is coming inside me again even though im still messed up from the past but the feel of happiness and love is returning and my heart is just racing. I want so badly to have him tell me how he feels about me. Let me know that I should keep waiting for him..... until he's rrady for a relationship until he wants to be with me...I was starting to slowly give up. I waited so long and give him hints and feelings and I still cant understand what he see me as. I also starting to get others interested in me.... I dont really want one other then him.. I want to build a strong friendship before I really go out.. but today he told me I had changed a lot and he was proud of me.... he was proud of me! I wanted to cry. I was doing this not only for myself but for him so he could see I can still be supreme and my greatest self like I was in the past. My highest self is my goal. I even want to be a model because of you. That's how badly I want you to love me. To tell me im beautiful. To tell me that I want you as my partner. I really do believe we can do great things together. I strongly believe it! !! If I can do all this in just 7 months of recovery think what I can be in a year! What we both can. Ill let you have my light I am growing back to flame. You know it too. You know I picked you up because of me. I finally realized what I am capable and still opening doors. I can be anything because im strong willing and that's what it takes. My heart raced today when you went wow. I know im going the right direction even if I want to cry but you have taught me to use my shield and sword and that's why you are my general. I want to fight along you vs the world. So I do hope I can catch my star................. my shooting star and that I dont miss it again... I hope you can forgive my jealously and stubborn that I had in the past and the terrible things im not proud of but you driving me crazy thinking if I should keep waiting... but I will be perfect.... ill be your second in command . I have started wearing make up. Changed how I look. How I eat. Physical strength. Im working hard on myself
I might be running out of time but ill give it my best
Love is war
pure as snow Community Member 
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