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Uh...I'm really not sure how to say this...and even less, how to start...

(Aghh! Breathe in, breathe out! >_<;; )

SO.

...I've really been trying to bring myself back to Gaia—at least a little bit. I haven't forgot about any of you or the site—not the role-playing, the times where we ran insanely all over zOMG!, the guilds, the PMs, the word games, the hilarious shouting over statuses, or anything. I just can't get it out of my head. Because it was good. And because of a whole bunch of guilt and regret that keeps on festering, and yet I don't want to face it head-on either.

It's been tearing me apart during my long uncalled-for hiatuses.

I cannot forgive myself for disappearing. I also cannot get past all the horrible instances I made a lot of you (including so many people not on my Friends list) go through when role-playing or playing zOMG! or other things I haven't mentioned yet. And...well...I just can't come to terms with myself about all of this. I have honestly been attempting to shake it off and come back anew—let the old Firebird die and a fresh chickenchickling be born—but I've found that there's always this part of my mind that refuses to let it go. And then it all rushes back and I can't bear being here anymore, causing me to run away for months at a time.

I wish I could correct this...but finally, today, I have accepted that it isn't possible for me.

Perhaps I am simply overreacting. Maybe it is okay for me to dunk my head back into Gaia now, and be accepted with a new page rather than my old, tattered, tomato-sauce-splattered paper. But I know that I couldn't continue like that for long. This account just has too many memories for me.

...as of such, I might be moving to a different account...where I can hopefully live out the rest of my Gaia-obsessed days in more peace.

I am wyndaeru. I am wyn--Apocalyptic Firebird. I am Dolaeruxus.

And I am sorry for everything. Please forgive me.

Also:
Yutora, keep being the beautiful person you are. Your acceptance and kindness was—IS—beyond what I can describe...and I wish I could give you something more than just the gift I will send you.
Here's to hoping you have a great future ahead!
Edit: Your profile is FABULOUS...and your hair does look nice.

Nichol. Zetsubou. You're plain awesome. Enough said.

Capt'n Shroom, continue writing and being your wild funky self. I love that about you.

Yukei/Zoruro/Zorro/Sakata...I realize and accept now that we did have a love-hate relationship. I'm honestly so thankful that I met you though, despite whatever I've done to you in the past. Much love, soul-brother. And enjoy your hammock. (However, don't reply to this, please...because whatever you do, I'll probably end up being POed again. Lol. >.<" wink

Misha/Mike, I have to relieve you the duty of being on my fb Friends list. It's nothing personal, I assure you...but to properly complete this procedure of mine, I have to end as many Gaia connections as I can, or else I'll never be able to get past this dratted matter. Besides, it's not like I use fb that much. : p Good luck to your future pursuits.

Tyhier, you're a wonderful man. And if you ever meet Amano, Koneko, L'Arc, Zero, or anyone else from the old guilds again, it'd be nice if you could maybe tell them that I said they're good people...despite all that's gone on in the past. I still apologize for my past behavior. (But I doubt you'll ever see this message... ;-; )

Miki and Chooi...I'll see you two on the other side. Here, and someday irl.

And to many others: I wish I could have talked more to you, but we've all gone our separate ways by now. I hope you are doing well!

And to the rest: I am sorry that you had to read this at all. You probably have no idea what the hell is happening. My apologies, but I am leaving this account. "XD

Fare all of thee well. Maybe we will meet again someday.