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well, today was kind of a thought day.....
it was kind of a blur, really. except for s.s. i almost fell asleep during the movie. stupid, droning, mono-tone announcer dudes.... stare
so yeah. it's just.... well, it's weird, but sometimes, if i try really hard, i can force myself to be happy. even if it's fake and i can rip it off in a second. but i can never make myself mad or sad. you know? sometimes i feel like there's another person inside of me, controlling. i know it's really weird, but i guess that's just how i think. like during walk. laura and maryellen just started talking about my hair, and i thought, 'why can't you just make it straight? by a mere suggestion?' but you can't. it's not possible. i don't know. sometimes i feel like a prisoner, even in my mind.
ah. laura made me mad. jealous? are you serious? or are you just too full of yourself to see through that hazy vanity clogging up your head?
......
yeah. i'm still kind of fuming about that...
and i kind of freaked out on maryellen. i can hear pretty well when i want to, and she and laura just started talking about my hair and hairstyles.... i heard her say 'braid' and i just freaked. i snapped at her. but i felt so bad. so as soon as it burst from my mouth, i choked down the anger and said i was sorry. i don't think she minded.....
oh well.
and i saw matt at soccer practice yesterday at woodside. so all today he's been poking me and s**t, always saying, 'uh. i saw you yesterday!' dumb-a**. stare he must have said that, like, twenty times today. minimum. his complete ignorance to his stupidity is really pissing me off.
and SPEAKING of stupidity, there's still la. damn, can't any of those crack heads read? seriously. and we're only through a little over half of the book..... i want to scream so bad. or ask mrs. bowmen if i can skip class and read out in the hall or something. but she'd just think i was being a b***h... but it must get on her nerves, too. having to try and teach a horde of complaining, bitchy crack heads that can't read....
wow. that's a lot of cursing....... rofl
maybe tomorrow will be better. an hour less. though i think i prefer thursdays. on thursdays i get an free period, which is good. and my temper will be cooled down by then. probably.....