Quote:
Obligation
Everything I do makes me feel as though I am obligated to act the way I act, says what I say, do the things I do. You know, like a parrot in a cage, having to sit there day after day, looking pretty for the people who walk by, copying what they do, acting the way they want it to, but secretly wanting to fly away and be free. That's a little what it's like.
Obligation is feeling like you have to do something, but I feel like I have to be obligated. Like everyone expects a horse to run, I feels as though I'm expected to act the way I do; cheery and hyper, happy all the time. That's not really me, but obligation makes me act this way.
Once I walked into class, tired, expressionless from the day so far. The sound of the other high school girls' talk of the latest gossip flooded my head as I got closer and closer to my seat. I sat down quietly, alone. Everyone looks at me, as if I'm some stranger walking into their lives for the first time. Quickly obligation takes over and I have to become the perk person they're all expecting. "So guess what," I say, trying to cover up the gloom. Then I go into some story of how I had fallen, or what someone said the night before, always followed by a laugh. Something to make me seem to be what they want.
Late at night, after school and volleyball, I got to my computer to read the e-mails of that day. Asa way to relieve the stress and pressure of pretending all day as if I were an actress in this great play called Life. I go to take a seat at the desk and find a note hurriedly taped to the screen, "dad" on the bottom as the the author. "Appointment with your councilor tomorrow at three."
