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okay. i'm going to be especcially complain-y today. don't endure it if ya don't want to. mostly about my own stupidity and my family.









i couldn't help it. i read volumes 9, 11, and 12. it was so confusing. with gaping holes in the text. i'm so mad at myself yet also somewhat relieved. waiting was totally killing me. i LOVE natsuki takaya! even though it's only her penname! she's totally cool!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway, i'm also really pissed. i brought like, sixty bucks to borders a few days ago, and i think i left it all in one of my pants pockets. so as soon as i remembered i was like, "oh my ******** hell!" yeah. so i was tearing through all the laundry, looking for my pants that i wore that day. only i don't remember which ones they were. so jenny could have just been looking through my pockets, found my huge wad of cash, and taken it. man, some day i'll crack again. it kind of freaked me out when i did. really scary.

hehehehe. on a brighter note, she got her door taken off the hinges. she was just acting like a brat, turning off the tv and kicking me while mum and i were trying to watch grey's anatomy. and i'm really serious when i say i didn't start it. she just ticked me off so much. so i just got up and slapped her. i don't think i did it very hard either. u guys know how big of a wuss i am. no arm strength at all.

anyway, she's all moaning and yelling. we just ignore her. she started it, after all. she was practically begging for it. so when no one goes and comforts her, she just sits up (o yeah. she collapsed) and just smiles through her tears and red face. u guys seen the movie, "it"? by stephen king. yeah kind of like that. or that girl in the exorcist (which i happened to watch at midnight a few weeks ago. *shudders* creepy...) so she's going totally nuts. keeps hitting and punching me, screaming and shutting off the tv. seriously! we want to see what happens to george! and what about meridith? i can only take so much. so i get up again, but dad just goes by me with a screwdriver, goes upstairs, and unscrews her door.

hehehe. serves the b***h right. maybe when she starts acting like a ******** human she'll get it back. what's her problem? stressed i mean seriously, why did she have to instigate? she could have just sat down and watched tv with us like a normal child. we didn't do anything to tick her off.... i just don't get her....... why can't she be like me? well, i guess that's too much to ask for, but......... at least a little more normal? why can't she tell when i want to be left alone? she can't tell when i'm brooding or mad at the world? and when i'm reading, why can't she just stop poking me and just play her damn gameboy? i FREAK OUT at people when they tear me out of the world of a good plot, and it's been like that for years. i just get so absorbed in it, i just leave the world behind. it's the same when i'm writing. why can't she learn?!?!?!?!?!

whatever. nobody lecture me about trying to be the better person, or crap like "she's the little kid. they're supposed to be like that." wat the hell are u talking about? "u can choose ur friends but not ur family"? well, duh! i no! but we're only eighteen months apart. a little over a year. i was more mature than her in the sixth grade, and she's in seventh. sure she's much more hyper, and enjoys running around and s**t like that. and i'm just the freaky angry, sometimes quiet and brooding(love that word!) sister everbody likes bugging the hell out of, but she couldn't be just an ounce more mature? i'm trying to be better. i really am. i haven't hit her today. and today was especcially worse. but i'm not just going to endure all that hell. she's got to meet me halfway or we'll never go anywhere. and she won't even do that. making me lose my cool is like a daily ritual.

hmmm. maybe i just think over all this too much. "Be the better person"? yeah. right. how am i supposed to be a good person? i just don't care. it's too stressful if u do all the time. i have more important things to do. more things on my mind.

o yeah. dump her. my teeth don't hurt as much. well, they never really did hurt a lot. more of my jaw. but whenever i eat something i have to wash my mouth out with salt water. it's really getting on my nerves.

also: natsuki takaya has yet another great quote which i find oddly interesting. it's when this goth girl is telling off a bunch of fan girls about a guy named yuki that hangs around goth girl's best friend. the girls are angry cuz they don't want anyone hanging out with him. and they're totally crazy in love (in a very, very, very, very small nutshell.) here ya go. goth girl's (well, really it's hanajima) quote (just gotta find it first):

you should know that if you bombard someone
with one sided love...
you are nothing but a burden to them
and you will just end up hurting them in the end.
you must remember to respect the other person's feelings...
for if you do not...
he will only hate you in the end.

hmmm. sad, isn't it? but it's oh so true. natsuki comes up with all these great lines all by herself. o i'm so jealous! heart heart heart heart

p.s. anyone know about an MCR concert? if ya do, tell ALL.