I now know why I hate saying I love you. I figure, what gives me the right to say I love you to someone when I can't even say it to the one person I want to/should say it to. Even when my closest friend says it I never say it back. Just reply with "Yea, Yea, Yea" or something like that. What's even worse is that it's hard to say it even to my own mother without forcing it past.
But I still can't bring myself to say it to him. Right now I'm still debating on whether or not it's because I'm afraid to because of what his reaction might be and that it'll scare him off/cause him to distance himself from me or because I'm just so afraid to loose him that I don't want him to know how I really feel. That way it won't be as hard when the inevitable happens; he leaves.
To this day I still don't know what it is that he sees in me (me = no real talent other than drawing, can give advice to people but can't solve my own problems, not exactly physically fit, pulling in a B+ in in Geometry, keeps friends that she doesn't agree with in her company *already weeded out Shannon and Heather and working on pushing Riley away*). I may never know but what I do know is that I'm just so happy that I can make him happy. Sorry if that doesn't make sense but... Right now I can't think of a better way to phrase it. The water works are clouding my thoughts so I'll just leave you with this.
 ixXLexi_twinXxi · Thu Feb 01, 2007 @ 12:09am · 0 Comments |
