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Note, I have not used an expletive in the title! Ah-hah!

...

Whatever.
So, internet's been down for two days: ask you me, "For why?"
My reply:
So initially, back in the summer, Charter's server was having problems. Immediately, they blamed us because our cable went out for several hours every day. Thinking back, it may not have been their fault; chances were, it was. Their response: "We shall cut your old cable and upon the bare earth lay a new one which is black, rather than pugnacious orange, even though you can't see black in poor lighting." This worked for the six weeks it took them to finally come and bury it. They then sent two scruffy guys at 7 P.M. on a Friday walking up our driveway towards my mother, who, while not usually excitable, was anticipating a meeting with scruffy people less than joyously. Said two scruffy people 'buried' our cable (read: put most of it underground save for a total of two feet, in different places of the yard so that it couldn't all be seen at once, and simultaneously cut our sprinkler system) and left.
So everything except our sprinklers are peachy-keen for a good long while. Then, our neighbors, who hate us and for whom the feeling is mutual, drove over the exposed cable with a running lawnmower.
This was less than pleasent for the cable.
So by this point we're seriously considering going to court, except that it dawns on us: even though the neighbors are incurably evil except for three of their four children and for a short time the mother (read: really, only the father and the son who is my age are incurably evil, while the mother is curably evil, two daughters will probably be snobbish but not evil, and the elder son will probably be a decent person) and even though they mowed a part of OUR lawn which, though property boundary disputes have made whose that portion is questionable, we have been mowing for years with no problems, it was actually Charter's fault for not burying the cable.
But wait, there's more.
So my mother begins the Great Saga of Charter Incompetence, abridged as follows:

Day 1, Phone Call 1-
"Come fix out cable. It has been cut."
"That's a shame. We'll be out there by 10 P.M. to fix it."

Day 2, Phone Call 1-
"Come fix our cable. It has been cut. No one came yesterday; we need it fixed because my son has college applications to complete."
"That's a shame. We'll have someone out there at four P.M. when you get home, because you have to be there for us to do anything."
"Why? All he has to do is connect two pieces of wire."
"Policy says *blah, blah, blah* so you have to be there."
"Whatever."

Day 2, Phone Call 2-
I was not privy to this, but my understanding was that my mom got cut off when she asked to speak with a supervisor. I wonder if someone felt lazy...? stressed STUPID PEOPLE!

Day 2, Phone Call 3, Person 1-
"Is anyone planning on fixing our cable?"
"There's a report filed that it's been taken care of."
"I saw the Charter truck leave my neighborhood at five 'til four. I wasn't home yet. The wire is not fixed; my cable doesn't work. I thought no one could work on it until I was there, anyway."
"Were you there at the appointed time?"
"Yes. There was no one there. They had left."
"It says they fixed your cable."
"I can point to where the cable is broken! All they did was take the cap off the cable box and screw two wires together which no longer work in the first place."
"Ma'am, I can't get in touch with the local workers, so if you could..."
"WHAT?! How do they know what to do if no one tells them?"
*no response*
"You know what? Let me speak to your supervisor. And give me your name in case you cut me off again."
*hold music for fifteen minutes*

Day 2, Phone Call 3, Person 2-
"I'm the supervisor. I hear there was a problem with your cable?"
"Yes. It's not fixed. A Charter truck left my neighborhood before I reached my house. They didn't fix anything. There are wires sticking up out of the ground that have been clipped by your people, and I think they tried to fix those. I can show you what needs to be done. Send someone here so they can do it."
"This says they finished the job."
"They didn't do anything! The cable is above ground, which is your fault in the first place."
"The problem couldn't be fixed because it was a problem underground."
*splutters* "No! It's not! The orange cable is underground except for the parts STICKING UP OUT OF IT; the broken part of the black is above. The orange cable is useless now; the black is not. The black one is cut into pieces right next to the cable box. I can point it out to you! I can tell you what to do! Send someone over here to fix it!"
"Ma'am, we have other customers to take care of, but we can..."
"You know what? No. Let me speak to your supervisor."
*hold music for five minutes*

Day 2, Phone Call 3, Person 3-
"I understand there's a problem with your cable?"
"Yes... it has been cut... I can see the cut... your people need to get out here and fix it. You left a cable unburied in my yard and my neighbors ran over it with a lawnmower. I need to get the two pieces put back together. My son has college applications he needs to do which are online."
"Well, we have other customers, but I can..."
"Why do they get priority? How is their problem more important? My problem came first! I need people out here fixing my cable, right now!"
"Well, I'm very sorry, but I can't get anyone there until tomorrow."
"Okay. Fine. I want them there first thing in the morning; I have to teach. I am a teacher. At a school. I have to be on time."
"What time will you be there?"
"Until ten-thirty."
"Okay, we'll have someone out there. Sorry again."
*sigh dejectedly* "Thank you..."

Day 3, Phone Call 1-
I actually didn't hear this one or about it, so I'll just improvise.
"FIX MY GOD-DAMNED CABLE!!"
"Yes, Ma'am. We'll be out there at four today."

Day 3, Conversation 1-
"Hey, I was here just the other day. We can't fix this."
"You fixed the wrong thing. See how this cable's not attached to anything, but you fixed it anyway? Good job. Fix the right one."
"It looked like someone had already dealt with it."
"Well, they hadn't! I want you to fix it now."
(different, smarter, more perceptive person) "Yes, Ma'am, we'll fix it."

Day 3, Conversation 2-
"Hey, [Siber], why are there three of them fixing one little cable?"
"Because they're morons?"
"Your guess is as good as mine."

Day 3, Conversation 3-
"Is it fixed?"
"Yeah, lemme check your internet."
(me) "Here you go."
"All right, let me get on here for a second...... Wait. It froze."
*sigh* "Here, let me force-quit. There we go, try again."
"Whaddaya know, it froze again. Maybe it's our website."
*has already gotten to his own website and so knows the cable works* "Here, let me force-quit again. I know it works"
"Well, it worked for you, right?"
"Yes."
"It must be our website."
"Must be."
"Well, there you go!"
*very tight smile* "Thank you..."

And they finally left. My God, if we had had to pay one cent for all that BS, I'd sue them 'til their grandparents no longer had pants.

It's funny now, though rofl .