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place to store poems and ideas
poems, begginings of storys
the sun is shinning and the birds will awake
the sun will rise and the earth will shake
the sound of people can be heard through the air
the killing of creatures as we strip grounds bear
we destroy our ozone and cause global warming
scientest try to tell us but we do not heed their warning
so we destroy the earth which we call home
leaving less ground for the animals to roam
the earth will soon parish and everything with it
it has already begun bit by bit...






User Comments: [6] [add]
The Ranting Shah
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Fri Nov 17, 2006 @ 03:51am
scientest try to warn us, but we do not heed there warning


Spelling? I dunno I'm bad at that xd

Try not to use "Warn" and then "Warning" kinda sucky.. since "warning" is meant to ryhme change the "warn" part to somethin' else.

"Their"

~so we destroy the earth our home~
~just to create toys and a comb~


I get what your saying but I'm not a fan of those two lines.

bye to our earth destroyed by human beings
by to our earth destroyed by you and me.


"Bye" and again not a fan of these two..

Good but again I'm not really a fan of your endings


commentCommented on: Fri Nov 17, 2006 @ 04:00am
how about now?



kumori2005
Community Member
The Ranting Shah
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Fri Nov 17, 2006 @ 04:02am
Haza! 9.2/10

Nice revamp on it.

Just try to do little touch ups to make it flow better like

"the killing of creatures as we strip grounds bear"

After a few patches your set


commentCommented on: Fri Nov 17, 2006 @ 04:08am
how about now?



kumori2005
Community Member
The Ranting Shah
Community Member
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commentCommented on: Sat Nov 18, 2006 @ 02:34am
Two thumbs way up


commentCommented on: Sat Nov 18, 2006 @ 03:52am
yay heart ty



kumori2005
Community Member
User Comments: [6] [add]
 
 
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