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Has this been one of the most emotional days of my life or what.

Well, let's say one of the most emotional weeks.

Hell of a way to start of the new year.

Let's just say that I haven't written for a long time because of lack of time, and how I actually wrote in my real journal, then I was depressed because I lost my real journal and I can't find it. I want to find it because there are some things I can write in there that I won't have to worry about people reading, and I just like it more (sorry) but I don't know where it is!

But, more importantly, have you ever had so many bad things happen in your life, but also so many good?

Like, everything's going wrong, but at the same time everything's getting better. I have so much to do that I haven't started, but I'm so close to getting it done. There's just so much going on I feel... overwelmed almost.

Let's see... where I should start. *leaves out the obvious answer because sorry fokes, there are certain unamed people who I don't want reading that*

Which leaves us with.... Maude.

Have I told you about Maude? My bestest friend *huggles her* who I love in a non-sexual way. She's my age, well, three days older, went to my school, hung out with my friends, and had a really spiffy life.

Until I kicked her (because she said something either mean or stupid, don't remember which) not too hard, but enough that it hurts for thirty seconds. Then a big bump formed where I kicked her. And it didn't go away. So she went and saw the doc and ta da! We find out she has cancer.

The odd part is that it's good that I kicked her, else we would have found out too late and she'd have lost her leg. So yay for me being not entirely nice! And may I not kick people anymore.

She still has her leg (thanks to the wonderful children's hospital in Seattle, everyone love it because it's been a saint) but she went through surgery on her leg, chemo, and surgery in both of her lungs. It was hell for her, I know.

And the sadest thing is the damn thing came back. They did surgery to get the bone cancer that came from her leg out of her lung, but then when they checked up it was back. So she may need more surgery. And it may not help. The doctor said it came back so quickly after the first time it may not do much good, but it's her best chance.

So I went to a meeting with her and her family yesterday to check all that stuff out and it was just... kind of numbing. The doctor never said she had a good chance of dying, not bluntly, but he said it in a more nice way. And that really sucks.

Here's the good news: She's getting a lot of free stuff. And if you live in Washington she may be in the newspaper near here, so everyone check it out!

She's going to the presidents inageration (I was a Kerry fan this last election, or at least a strong anti-bush person... so I when she told me she was going I said "I forgive you." and that was a laugh... it was at the meeting with the docter... sweatdrop ) but she gets to sit with the important people and probably meet Bush. I don't envy her this, I envy the car and the laptop and the free trip to Japan, and heck, the trip to DC, but not meeting Bush.

But yeah, they're trying different things, she's going to do some natural health stuff, just everyone send her your best because she needs it.

On a better note she also got a hottub and that kicks a**. And it's realy nice hanging out with her a lot.

Which brings me to the second big thing this week. My really good friends (all two of them) have really just made me happy this week. I currently consider my two best friends to be Maude and Ian, and just chatting with them, or hanging out, has done wonders for my stress. It's so nice to feel like a normal kid and just throw pillows at each other or watch movies or joke around. I value every such time a lot, a huge lot, and it's just been really nice keeping me together these last few days. So thanks guys, a lot.

Next big thing: My step dad's an a**. A huge a**. And getting to be a bigger a**. Don't get me wrong, he really is a good person, when it gets down to it, but there's things going wrong in his life, too, and he just doesn't know how to deal with it. Oh, and he's kinda adicted to gambleing, and he decided (upon my mom's request, because he's actually really good at it and makes money) to get back into it. But I don't think it's healthy for him because he's a crappy loser.

Not the point. The point is that he's being an a**. This may have been caused by the fact that I'm often an a** (but not as bad as Tim was this last time). You see, I'm kinda on a diet. It's not really a diet, it's more of a "gee I eat a lot, and not that I'm fat, but to get back in shape for waterpolo I shouldn't have that much chocolate, and vegies are good for me, and I shouldn't eat 3-4 hours before I sleep" (that last because it helps.) so I haven't been having much dinner, because I've been having big lunches. All of this for a reason. But anyhow, Tim gets home and decides he wants dinner, but he doesn't want to make it, and he asks me if I want to make it for him.

Now think about this. My answer really makes sense. It's something along the lines of "No Tim, I had a big lunch today, I'm not hungry, I dont' really want to have to cook if I'm not going to be eating anything, however if you want me to I'll make something for you." At about that time he normally calls me selfish and staulks off to do it himself. I suppose he was just really lazy Tuesday and decided I should. Which is fine, whatever. I had a lot of homework I'd rather do, and I was in the middle of cleaning the kitchen, but screw it, I'd rather not try to say "gee Tim, why are you so lazy? can't you see I'm doing something useful?" that would get me hit.

So I'm making macaronie and cheese. I start the water boiling and head into the livingroom to watch some TV. The water boils, I throw the noodles (which are supposed to cook acording to the instructions for 7-10 minutes) into the pan, set the timer for 7 minutes, and go back into the living room. Three minutes later I go in and stir them, check on things, back into the living room. A few minutes later Tim goes back into the kitchen (timer hasn't gone off yet) and I hear him in the cupboards. So I walk in and see he's turned off the burner. "The timer's not done yet, it said 7-10 minutes, and the timer was for 7," I say. He says our stove cooks fast and it's done. I'm like "okay, whatever" because if he thinks it's good enough for him, then who am I to argue?

Then he's looking for a strainer, and I didn't know where the one he wanted was, and he's not finding it, and it's been a few minutes and he needs to strain the noodles. I figure that we may not be able to find it, so I take the pan over to the sink and carefully poor out some of the water, using one of those really big plastic spoon things to keep the noodles in. He sees me and says in a very "you're stupid" way, "Do you really think you're going to get all the water out that way?"

I look at him and say, not rudely mind you, "Probably not, but i figure we might not be able to find the strainer, so just in case it wouldn't hurt to have the noodles somewhat started on. Besides, I got most of the water out." He basically rolls his eyes, somewhat glares, and walks back to the shelves where we keep tupperware junk.

He found the strainer, all but shoved me out of the way. Pooring the noodles into the strainer, I feel it's good to point out, he lost several noodles to the sink. I had almost all the water out and hadn't lost one. Back at the stove he lost several more noodles with his vigerous stiring as he added other ingredients. All the time he's muttering about how I wasn't doing the one thing he asked me to do that night.

So I'm standing there watching him b***h at ME for being lazy and not doing anything, and I kind of just burst out. "I was doing it, for crine* out loud!" (*not quite sure what that word is, I just use the phrase) By the way, that was shouted. So I yelled at him.

Tim turned around, red, and yelled at me about having no respect and yadda yadda ya and never yelling at him again. I just stared, knowing it was best to shut up then, and took it. Oh, he shoved me into the sink too, that was fun. I'm not hurt or anything, but it's crap. The he basically said "If you're not going to follow my rules, there's the door!"

I've said to myself many a time, if there was anywhere else for me to go, I'd be there. And for a long time I thought there wasnt' anywhere else for me to go. But as I stood there after I left the kitchen a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. If he ever did that to me again (got on my case about something that was really wrong, ea yellling at me for not doing something I was doing. Because I was making his damn noodles, it's not my fault the instructions are too slow for him) then I could go. I had a place I could go. Maude would let me stay with her, and damnit, I didn't have to go to the college I want to. It's about 35k a year, I don't have that money, but I could apply to Western and I could afford the 14k it requires with student loans. I have the grades and SAT scores to get in to any school in this state that I'd want to go to (and I'm not lying). I could go to Maude's, and move on with my life, and I don't have to be here.

It's amasing to know that you're not stuck anymore, that you could just get up, take your stuff and leave. Because I could. As of tomorrow I'm five months away to being 18, I'm old enough to get away with getting the hell out of here. Granted my mom sides with me on this one, and I don't need to go, but if the time came when I did I would. I most certaintly would.

So that's both good and bad. Really good or bad. And I'm okay with it.

Next big thing: I GOT ACCEPTED TO UW! for all non washington people, that's the University of Washington, big, cool, imporant school in the state. Don't want to go there, but it's my back up school, and I got in! This is cool news because I haven't heard back from my number 1 choice yet.

but everyone's saying congratz because that really does kick a**. As I said before I could get accepted to any school I want, and UW would only cost like 16k (which isn't that much when compaired with 35k) so it's the backup one in case anything in my life goes wonky. EA I'm suddenly without parental support. which actually isn't a factor because even if I piss my mum off she'd help, and Tim's a jerk who wouldn't be able to stop her, then Dad would pitch in if I asked. Not sure how much, but he'd help at least a little.

Oh, what other big news... I'm in running start. I got out of that hellish English class (chear now, it's a happy moment) and I'm somewhere I like. English 213, British Literature. the teacher's a little... whimsical, but she's not annoying. And she spaces about things, but she doesn't piss me off. I'm actually learning stuff *gasps* heven forbid you learn things in English! Oh my! But yeah, I like it. And we had this 'big' report on Monday, that turned out to be a small report, but it worked out well and I had been all worried, and we did fine. And my partner said I did a good job and everything was happy. blaugh and then class on Wednesday was cancled, for who knows what reason, and monday's MLK day, so we don't have class again till next Wednesday! *happy dance* gives me time to do that reading I didn't finish. I started it, really I did, just didn't finish it.

The first thing we had to read was like... I didn't get it. I mean, no one in class really got it. It was some of the worst stuff I ever had to read. Then I went and read the next assignment and loved it. It helps that I knew what the guy was talking about.

Oh, and my story! My story on fanfiction! I thought no one was reading it cause I didn't get any new reviews, or anyone new adding me to their favorite's list. But I was bored and looking at all the people who had me on author alert (there's like 10) and one of them had my new story in his favorite story list! So someone knows it exists! Am I spiffy or what! Now if he'd just review and say how great I am.... wink

Anywho, I've written a lot, and I should get a start on sr project stuff for school... and pet my cat that's on my lap. She's so cute.

Thanks to all the people who made today good. There are several of you. Prolly only two will read this. Maybe two. Maybe less. *shrugs*

Auliro.

oh, and I should add thanks to Kikuo for adding comments! And for chatting with me about the sr project while I wrote this! And for saying congrats about UW!