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It's the end of the year, so that means end-of-year reviews at work. How it's handled at my job is your manager schedules one-on-ones with some of your co-workers and asks for feedback about you.

Feedback is a tricky thing. In a perfect world, we can give constructive criticism to each other and no one has hurt feelings. But in this world, it's not really like that. It's difficult for people to separate their ego from their performance. I get it, I really do.

It doesn't even have to be work related. One of the things I'm always conscious of is how to give someone advice without upsetting them. For example, a few years ago, I started to grow and keep a beard, but I didn't really manage it all that well. I let it get long and scraggly and didn't really think about it. I wore it that way for maybe 2 years before somehow I stumbled across a thread talking about beard maintenance and care. Now I regularly trim it, shave under the neck, and use beard oil. The thing that killed me was that one of my best friends wore a long, nicely kept beard, and yet he never told me I was doing it wrong. I'm like, come on, man, I look terrible, don't just let me carry on like that.

I never actually bothered him about it, because giving people that kind of advice is awkward and risky. You never know how they're going to respond. Are they going to respond poorly, and then start distancing themselves? What sort of impact is it going to have on your relationship?

It gets complicated at work, because you have to see these people on a regular basis. You can't just ghost them. You're required to interact with them. What happened with me is that, in general, I don't give feedback, even if I think it would benefit them. So David at work could use some beard advice, why risk it?

Framing feedback this way has helped me give feedback. For example, if I think I'm never going to see you again, or I don't care if our relationship is damaged or not, I can give people pretty honest advice. When to lunch with a friend of a friend and gave him advice on how to give a proper handshake. Went to a wedding and saw a old high school friend, gave him advice on how to handshake and take care of his beard. He did not respond well to that advice, but that's ok, because I don't really value that relationship.