This isn't the place it once was to me. It always has a place in my heart, but I no longer feel power here.
I still find journaling comforting. To that end, I want to say that I'm worried. I just realized that after summer comes the fall. I've not even made it halfway through the year yet.
I turn 28 next year. Saying that makes me heart race. See, in my mind, I'm still 25. There's no danger for me. In reality, I am nearing the very thing I fear.
I still make these moves to build a better future even though in the back of my mind I repeat back "I turn 28 soon." I don't even know how to go about having this discussion with anyone or how to deal with it because it's all ******** theoretical and I should "look on the bright side," as if that was the ******** problem all along.
It's not the fact that I think about what MIGHT happen, the issue is the feeling I get when I think those thoughts. I RATIONALLY know that they have no power but still, they make me quiver with fear.
Who knows, it might be another Wildfire thing where my identity gets reshaped or something. Maybe I'll admit I love my boyfriend or he'll do the same to me. ********.... I just want to know so I won't be so goddamn scared.
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Fragmented Self who wanders through life like a dreamer and wades through the river of dreams as though it were the only truth left in this world
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