So unlike my other lovely friends, I still post a lot of journals here. Probably because I don't really have any other way of expressing myself other than writing. Or in this case, typing.
So when I decided to come on here that didn't involve trying to find a name for a character, I decided to check out my journals after seeing Masha's latest post. Looking through my journals, I looked at the date and saw that the last entry I made was in '14. Blinking to myself, I realized I didn't post anything in an entire year, '15. And oh. That's why. On January 20th, 2015, I became hooked on Final Fantasy XIV. Courtesy of my brother.
What the hell am I doing with my life? That's a damn good question.
I'm honestly considering quitting school and just working. Helping my mother out with money and 'funding' my still ongoing obsession with anime and games.
I'm probably going to get a frown from my mother if I do decide to quit. But just... Even if people change their majors, they'd eventually find the passion they're looking for. Well with me, I don't think that's ever gonna happen, no matter how many times I might change my major. Basically, I see no point in continuing this path if I can't find the passion to pursue it. Writing, photography, and graphic design, are all careers I've considered, including the recent Editing career I've been thinking about. But I'm just...meh. My passion will never be those. Because my passion will always be one thing only. Anime. Watching anime. Reading manga. Reading fanfictions. Writing fanfictions as a hobby. Playing games I find on Steam.
That's why I'm fine with finding a simple job to keep going. Because really, that's all I need. I don't need a huge house and an abundance of wealth to feel 'fulfilled' and 'happy'. My hobbies and so called passion aren't expensive.
I rarely socialize. I haven't made any new friends since high school. I'm not even keeping in touch with people. Only reason why it feels like I still know em is through fb. And thing is, I rarely post anything on there.
Meh.
Though, it makes me wonder what they think of me. It's pretty...novel...when they tell you something about yourself that you don't realize or take for granted.
An example of this would be with a friend back in HS. She told me how she felt like I was truly her friend and a great person to her. I asked her why and told her I wasn't that great, and how I didn't really do anything to earn that kind of praise from her. She said that wasn't true. She said I was always there to listen to her rant about her problems, and how I comforted her and gave her advice when she needed and asked for it.
I never thought I was...that good at doing that stuff considering I don't do it a lot...but what probably helped was that she never dragged me into her problems. After ranting to me and getting the advice and comfort she needed, she'd go back and deal with it herself.
Hmm...
I remember seeing something somewhere. That one of the great kind of friendships are the kind where people don't see or talk with each other for a long time, but when they meet again years later, they're able to talk like nothing's changed. And for some reason, I feel like that describes me really well, never mind the friendship, but my bonds with others. Like...it doesn't matter if we're meeting years later in our 30s. We'd still be bitching about life in general and all that jazz.
Kinda...no... Exactly like that song High School Never Ends.
So I'm curious. Still curious. Will forever be curious. What do people think of me? What do they think when they hear or see my name? It'd be interesting to know, because I may learn something new about myself.
I remember in sophomore year, my eng teacher had everyone in class anonymously describe each other and say what we thought about each other.
I remember one of the things a classmate put in my list was how i was aloof and standoffish. I was surprised to be regarded as someone difficult to approach. Like that one anime character that's the cool and silent type.
I remember a stranger saying my neutral face looked like I wanted to kill someone. I laughed.
That's why its interesting to know what people think of you. Sure those opinions may not always be positive but it's still interesting.
Anyways, that's all for the night.
Back to watching Cry play Undertale on YouTube.
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