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Yes, I have been watching the Fuse channel a bit lately ninja

And so, I have returned from Fanime and consider myself a little worn for wear but so much better, none the less.

It was definately a great trip and we all want to go back again next year. We're already planning our costumes for the next time so we can be the coolest people there, lol. We made some friends and I really hope to see the pictures Bee and Charrise took soon so I can show everyone.

AND, oh yes, you all saw this coming, didn't you? There was almost just as much hell as there was heaven.

I've been skipping over a few details over the past few months that turned into painful factors at Fanime. Sadly, I seem to be developing a second stalker.

I met him at school and while I was talking to some people I knew from high school that weren't retarded, he sort of sat down and continued the conversations along. One of those 'friend of a friend' introductions, you know?

Sure, I didn't mind talking to him. He occasionally made a conversation more interesting and I was so busy with school, I hadn't even thought about why he talked so damned much.

I got a hint when he helped me download some 'legal back-ups' of a couple movies.

Being invited to Transiberian Orchestra concert was one.

I found another hint when he started making laminated images of some good animes for myself and my best friend.

Then there was valentine's day...That still bothers me. He gave me a giant Stewie doll (my favorite Family Guy character but not anymore) and semi-love letter. Not only that, but he had paid the cafeteria for whatever I might buy for lunch that day. Upon learning this, I told them to give him his money back and proceeded to starve for the day.

>>>At this point, my mom knew what was going on but she does not understand that it makes me ill to think about that in the slightest. Even to this day, she still looks at me in an irritated/angry/questioning-my-sexuality sort of way whenever this topic comes up.

And then Tyler and Bee started dating. This seemed to give him new hope in the fact that he was a friend of Tyler's and Bee is my best friend.

So guess what? Yeah, he tried making a double-date to a movie I had already planned on seeing with my friends. Not only that, but he asked me right before I ran into my art class the day before the movie. I was in a hurry because I was running late and the fear caused my brain to short circut. I only managed to tell him that I wasn't going to see the movie as a date and quickly headed inside.

Fortunately, after the movie, he actually began to pick up on the idea that I really did not like him in any way, shape or form.

But did it end there? Oh no. I suddenly hear that he has volunteered to be the driver for our Fanime trip. I was also warned by Bee that he was thinking about buying Kingdom Hearts 2 for my birthday.

I didn't have time to worry about any of that, though, because finals were coming and there were a few classes that I really had to stick to with grades. Sadly, my concentration seemed to suffocate as the stress piled up. I lost sleep and my energy by mid-day was to a point where I couldn't keep my hands still. I skipped my art class a few times because I was so stressed and worn out. Not only that but even when I did go to class, it wasn't right. I couldn't make anything anymore. It was as though I had actually fallen back to an almost grade-school state in my drawings. My ideas stopped coming and the ones that did come to mind couldn't be done with my shaking hands.

*sigh* it still makes me want to cry...

But it wasn't over. My birthday was on the last week of school and I had a long day. I had finished all but one class for the last time that day and ended up talking to him in the cafeteria again.

With everything happening in my life at the time, I had actually forgotten about Bee's warning and I was also told he was considering getting it or not.

It was almost like the finishing blow after all the finals I had just finished. He brings up my birthday and I sadly knew what was coming.

Sure enough, I see a little present in the exact shape of what I had hoped was a small, crappy book. Instead, my eyes fall upon the title of a game I had been wanting for weeks but telling myself to wait until I was out of school for.

I tried to voice the fact that I could not accept something so expensive but he was persistant that I keep it and I was so tired, I didn't know what else to do. What was even worse was that I couldn't even give an honest smile when I unwrapped the same present from my mom...

After that I simply stayed home and allowed myself rest.

Then there was Fanime. So much fun, but he was being a complete a*****e. My friends and I were about to strangle him for ruining what could have been so much more fun.

Screaming 'Bankai!' to every Bleach cosplay he saw was only funny the first very loud five times. When my friends from Santa Cruz made it on the scene, Bee and I suspect he actually tried to lose them when we were all going out to lunch. Wrong move, because they have been my friends since todler years and are like brothers to me. We kept getting separated from them the entire time they were at Fanime, and I still feel terrible about it. They tell me that they had a great time, but I can't help but feel bad.

And yet it STILL did not end there. On the last day, we planned to go to Santa Cruz to watch a movie with our Cruz friends and walk around the boardwalk.

Our ride had other plans, apparently. He decided his leg was too injured to go to the boardwalk, but the beach might have been fun (Does he even KNOW what California beaches are like? COLD AND INFESTED. Not warm and sunny). Bee, Charrise and I were so pissed with him at that point, that we made certain not to go to the beach.

He also decided that he would suddenly call up a friend in the area and go to his house (Anyone smell rape plot?) and maybe go to any local parties later that night. ******** NO. We were supposed to head home around 5. He and his friend tried convincing us that the traffic would be terrible at 5, but guess what? It was memorial day and the traffic was going to be bad no matter what time we left that day. If I had stayed there for another hour, I would have gone on a ******** rampage. Charrise, Bee and I didn't even go in his friend's house. We sat in the car. He claimed to have to get his pills out anyway, so there was no need to get out for a few seconds and go back in. I was about ready to walk home by this point.

We finally make it home, and he also invites himself to a get together at my house we plan for the next day. Not only that, but for the ENTIRE trip, he was trying to find a way to figure out where I lived and I was NOT going to let that happen.

Unfortunately, we had to make up a few lies so that he wouldn't make it and Tyler is sick of lieing to his friend. He never had to, either, and the look I was saw was one that has always peirced my defenses. Disappointed, tired and knowing that I'm the cause. Sadly, I've had this look from hundreds of others in the past and it eats at me every time.

And once again, Bee comes to the rescue and plans a get-together on Saturday so I can finally tell him off.

Now I'm home and I'm just waiting the week out. I'm ready to finish it, but I wish it didn't have to cause so much trouble. It's all my fault for not telling him off sooner, but how was I supposed to know it would come to this? Something tells me that I knew, I just didn't want to know. My only verbal defense is to ask anyone if they would like to be in the same situation. I haven't actually said it, because I feel that I deserve it.

I suppose what makes it more unbearable is the fact that my friends are still willing to help me out. I just....I don't know, I never expect kindness or help from others. Even friends, because it feels like I'm not carrying my own weight. Sure I wish I had a break, but not at the expense of others. Even my art teacher somehow knew something else was going on and gave me a B for missing so many days and assignments. I don't deserve a B...

Yeah, I've been on the verge of crying every time I start thinking about why anyone has been helping me. I just feel that I should be able to handle all of these things on my own and when it all starts falling apart, I feel that I should handle the punishment or the issue by myself too. I don't like dragging people into my problems. Nobody wants that, right? So then why are things still so ******** up on my end? *sigh* I know I'm not supposed to know the answers, but I'll have to eventually. Why not now?

End Transmission
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Haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door?