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I'm not able to think about one subject for more than a few seconds before my mind jumps to something else. I don't think I'm on strong enough medication for slowing my brain process down for other people to keep up with right now because I'm ******** up a lot of things right now with people I love and they're ending up hating me. I'm having a hard time concentrating on fixing the problems or misunderstandings, but a lot of my friends aren't forgiving me and it's killing me. I don't have the health, physically or emotionally, right now to be able to handle these situations well. My friend Juudai is so understanding and I just wish that I didn't have to go crying like a baby to her because I'm so hurt right now. I'm losing some of the most important friends to me... it's like having my highschool friends abandoning me all over again... it isn't helping my health, but I'm NOT telling them that, because I don't want them thinking it's an excuse to try to get them to forgive me.

I'm so pissed off at myself for messing up for the SECOND ******** TIME with one of my friends that I've known for years within a few months because of either him or I misunderstanding each others' words. stressed It's my ******** fault but it's because the people in my head are putting thoughts into my head that make me do these stupid ******** things with my words! I hate half of them! People who don't have voices inside of their head don't understand what it's like and why it's so difficult to think properly! I want things between myself and my friends to go back to the way they were, but for some.... it's beyond fixing... they've blocked me or are refusing to reply to my messages. I just need understanding hearts... I'm only human. Humans make mistakes all the time. Why can't they see that? Why can't they see that I don't mean to hurt them? I've forgiven them for far worse things because I understand this and accept this about this about all of them. All of us are broken in some way. Some more than others, which is why I'm as patient as I possibly can be. Anyway, I guess that's the end of this rant, for now... I say for now because I can always ******** up more things, so right now, this is a slightly hopeful Brianna signing off.