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I hate the pain in my stomach. It literally feels like someone is stabbing me in the stomach with a knife over and over again in different spots and it NEVER STOPS. From the time I wake up from the time I go to sleep, it's stabbing pain in my stomach over and over again. And to tell you the truth, I think it's residual pain in my organs from my surgery that I had back in February, that's this year (2014) angel faces, and it still feels like it hasn't fully healed! I'm sick of it and I'm sick of my mother brushing it off and not thinking the surgeon can do anything for me even though they could possibly give me something to comfort the pain! Unfortunately, my only options are either illegal (smoking pot), sleeping to escape the pain, or being given tylenol 3 (which doesn't work on me because I take a billion ******** medications a day). I need Oxycodon, not to be mixed up with Oxycodone, which is the highest pain killer out there, but I don't need that one. Vicadin does nothing but make me woozy as s**t and have blackouts/I faint/I fall asleep without warning (Even if I'm walking around). My mother isn't much help because she thinks that it's the fact that I don't eat fruit and veggies enough, which isn't true. I eat grapes, bananas, broccoli, corn, carrots, fruit cups, and pinapples. And that's for snacks, lovelies. She only ever sees me eat junk food, but I eat the healthy stuff when she's gone just because I don't like cooking when people are home because I love listening to music and singing to it. It irritates my mother and sister and that get's me more anxious than I already am and that can lead to me burning something whether it's the food or part of my body....

Anyway, I'm just annoyed that I can't cook in peace anymore.... My anxiety is getting in the way and it's because my mother and sister are both disgusting human beings and don't have any patience. Their patience is about as long as... well... look at your fingernails... pick one.... THAT'S how much patience they have. My mother is worse because if she has a bad day at work, she takes it out on my sister andmyself and my sister vice versa on just me because I'm an easy target most of the time. I'm always emotionally vulnerable now-a-days because I'm usually depressed most days. She seems to like kicking me while I'm down and did it a lot when I was going through a rough time in high school. I almost literally died of a broken heart in my junior year, but I don't want to get into that right now... It'll just get me further into my depression right now.

[.sighs.] Anyways, I'm having second thoughts on some of my life's decisions and I don't know what to do about them... If you want to know about them, then private message me... otherwise, I'm not writing them down for the public to see. Sorry, angel faces, but they're a bit too private for that. Well, I think I've written enough and I might write some more later, but this is Altair, signing off.