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I remembered something that should've been in my updates! For an amount of time (basically... 12((or 1)) something PM to 7PM the next day) I was in the hospital. On.. ah... suicide watch. What happens is every once and a while I get these... interesting thoughts... where I either become highly suicidal or very, very, very lowly homicidal (LOW, I cannot stress that enough!)
What happened was I was in third hour (math, ugh.) and all of sudden I got very suicidal, I had a few plans of what to do... right there in class... and usually I can shake those thoughts off so easily but this time... they would not go away. At all.
And that terrified me.
I even started having a panic attack (the third one of the year, maybe I'll post about the other two, maybe not)
So I put my stuff in fourth hour and went to the guidance office.
I told one of the counselors what happened, how long it's been happening (since about 5 grade) and that I was scared because usually I can ignore the feeling.
But this time... it just would not go away, there was a pressure on the back of my neck and I couldn't focus on what was happening in class.
The counselor called a guy from... "Teen Crisis" or something like that, and he came out to my school and talked to me. My dad was notified, along with my mom who then notified my grandparents.
I had to answer questions, take a few tests. I had to sign a waver promising I'd hand over all of my sharp objects that I used for uh.... well... you can guess I'm sure (I am ashamed to admit I had... about... 5 sharp items)
They wanted to put me in an institution thing (Not really but that's the only name I have for it since I can't remember what they called it). Most were full and the ones that weren't didn't want me... since the uh... homicidal thing kind of scared them... And I can see why, who wouldn't be scared of someone who has homicidal thoughts, with no real target or plan in mind, that randomly and at any given time. (I had to make a promise to someone to tell a counselor type person as soon as I could if I had any thoughts like that I think)
So yeah.
I was in the hospital.
The nurses were very nice.
One showed me how to make spider snowflakes :3 They're awesome! She even gave me an Angel Teddy Bear (like a beanie baby thing?) and I have to say, it's kind of my reminder of the waver I signed and the promises I made, as cheesy as that sounds ^^"
Now listen, I'm about to get SERIOUSLY MUSHY. So if you don't like that this is your chance to STOP READING!
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...
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Now that everyone who doesn't want to read what I'm about to say is gone :3
Listen guys.
If you ever, EVER have(or had) thoughts like that, please please please go tell someone. I know it's scary, because I can honestly tell you I've most definitely been there. But tell someone, I promise you've done nothing wrong, and that telling someone is the best thing you can do.
Hell
Tell me if you want, I always have an ear open for everyone, and I owe you guys, my readers, whether long term or just now, to listen to what you have to say.
Please, if you have anything you want so badly to talk about to someone
And I mean
Anything
Allow me to return the favor and listen to you for once.
I want to help, honestly.
Pinky Promise.
I love you guys, I really do.






**2015 EDIT**
What actually happened is this lovely thing called OCD.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder in which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, ideas, sensations (obsessions), or behaviors that make them feel driven to do something (compulsions).

I was not fully diaginosed, but my Psychiatrist very heavily believed that I had a form of OCD, he also thinks I may have ADD. But again, I've never been fully diagnosed for either of them, though my Psychiatrist was very experienced in dealing with patients who had one or the other (sometimes both) and so I'm not going to doubt him. He assured me I'm not a danger to anyone but myself, and I'm only a danger to myself if I let those thoughts take over. But I won't take any damn medication, I have more than enough control over myself.

Anyways.
Having OCD can cause depression, and OCD can be the reason some people repeat how they do something the same time over and over again.
Usually they think that if they don't do it a certain way every time, something bad will happen.
Someone who has OCD and is depressed should not be brushed off easily, and their depression shouldn't be taken lightly.
Depression is never a good thing, but people with OCD may be more compelled to kill themselves.
And no one wants to lose a friend to that.