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These fingers of mine yearn to type and with myself not feeling talkative, I'll let them roam free in my journal. Now, as to what to type, I am without a clue. I suppose I could being typing stories again, but I've yet to find the inspiration to do so. Ever since I read that short essay on Science Fiction versus Fantasy Fiction, I've lost hope in my favorite genre, fantasy. The way the writer explained it makes fantasy seem so repetitive and dull, each story having the same plot, same personalities, and same villains, just under different names, settings, and situations. When I first read it, I laughed at it, I didn't believe it to be true, that it was only the ravings of some petty science fiction fan who saw Song of Ice and Fire beat his favorite science fiction series. Well, I was wrong. When I looked more into it, I realized his words bore some truth, and I begin to go down my list of fantasy books that I've read. They all fit what he said. Of course, they're all still amazing books with astounding characters and plots, but they all do tend to lean the same way. A guy doesn't have powers, said guy suddenly needs power, guy goes on quest, guy meets some friends/makes some enemies, guy gets power, guy beats evil force, guy lives happily ever after. I've always had a story in mind, and it fell into that plot, just replace power with meaning. It's sad, I thought my idea was so original, but it falls right into that same description of fantasy novels. I want to create something different, I still want to write the book that will last much longer than me. Something that will make people remember me. I won't abandon the fantasy genres, no, I will reinvent them, and conjure up the likes of which no one has ever seen before! I just need to think of it first. When I get bored, I tend to daydream about characters I've made in my stories going on quests and such. Perhaps I'll start writing down those daydreams and hope that at least one has some sort of originality within it. I also haven't written in awhile. Yes, I've been writing these entries, and I've been writing for the school paper, but those aren't fiction. They don't require much in the way of details. If I do begin writing again, those entries will most likely be private until I deem myself good enough for the eyes of others. Then I'll go through and make them all public, with the exception of one or two. The reasons for why they'll be private are beyond me. When I write, I sometimes stumble upon something that completely changes the story and warps it into something strange and personal, and those are probably best kept confidential.
Well, didn't expect that to get so long. I've got more to write too, so this mind turn into a long entry.
I've been feeling tremendously better since I've ended my grudge against Sarah. I truly do believe it was the last thing preventing me from moving on. What I had before was false, a lie, something I made myself believe, and now that I've found that I really have moved on, I can tell the difference between the real and the fake. It has also helped me understand my feelings better. What I mentioned in my former entry was wrong, for I've realized that I don't have feelings for either of the two. I think I just wished to have a relationship again, and while both are very special to me, I don't quite believe my feelings towards them to be romantic. Quite a relief, but I will take Monica's Tarot's advice to heart. I was advised to take my next relationship less seriously. If done, it will apparently be everlasting, which is a truly beautiful thought. So I'll use this time being single to relax myself and not take things so seriously anymore. I don't want to completely drop the seriousness, however, for someone that is never serious is immature, and insensitive. There is a time and place for being serious, my problem was I was serious too often, so I'll ease up on it, and allow my next relationship to bloom into something more beautiful than anything I've ever experienced in my last few. I know that it sounds stupid to put so much faith into what a deck of cards say, but I can't help it, I tend to be drawn towards good fortunes and believe them very easily. Unless they're too good, then I get suspicious. I know that I've also been told to be less serious before by a few people, I thought they just weren't serious enough. I suppose I was wrong. Well, enough about that. If I write too much about it, I may accidentally share some more personal things, and I presume you are all sick of hearing this stuff anyway.
Moving on.
I will share my thoughts on something that I read in a short story by Edgar Allen Poe. It was one of his lesser known stories, unfortunately. It starred two characters, one being a doctor, another being his patient who often went into trances. A few pages into the story, the doctor has his patient go into a trance and begins to ask questions. There's a lot of talking, so I'll just sum up what the patient said. He believes that the mind and the brain are different, that the mind is your spirit, and that it's matter while also not matter. It's here, yet not, and does not particularly reside within the brain. He also goes on to say that thinking is not an action, it is just thinking, and that we are all merely thoughts within a larger, greater mind. None of us is real, we are all figments of some higher power's imagination, but when we die, our mind, or spirit, turns into an action, and therefore becomes real. Our lives are lived as worms, our coffin becomes our cocoon for our metamorphosis, and death is merely an evolved life as a butterfly. Yes, the traditional thought of Christianity, and many other religions. The latter of it does not concern me, what did grab my attention was the thought of us all being thoughts. It's funny, I used to wonder about this exact same stuff when I was little, and thought it was funny. Now I'm thinking seriously about it. Strange how the small thoughts of childhood can become so deep in adulthood. Anyway, what if life was merely just a thought? A dream? What if death is us waking up? I don't really know, I want to believe there's an afterlife, but I can't, it just doesn't sound realistic. When looking at religion from an atheistic point of view, it's sad. I believe there is no afterlife, and I see people praying and devoting their lives to something that might not be true. I won't call it stupidity, because in their eyes, I'm the stupid one. I'll just say they truly are faithful, and have a great deal of belief to stick to something like that when there's a possibility it might not even exist. I won't say there isn't, because I don't know. I don't know if there's one god, or a hundred. I don't know if there are any kinds of deities at all. I don't believe there are any, but I can't say that there aren't, I don't know. I just don't know, nor do I want to know. The idea of some greater being out there standing over us and watching us suffer and die without lifting a finger is truly sickening. Now, that said, I would probably be too stubborn to accept the help anyway, but there are people starving, killing, dying, hating, they could really use some help. Does he, she, or they willingly leave them to suffer and die? It's disturbing.
I've got nothing else to type about for now. Thanks for reading.