I get these fantasies and urges too often for my taste about people that I hardly knew in my past. People that I simply went to elementary school or fawned over from afar are on my mind all the time. I think of what I would do to them and how they might react to me if they saw me again.
It would be cruel to allow myself to act on these kind of impulses. The blowback would be terrible. I would regret it so very much to do things like that. To do something like that for one little fling, for ******** attention would be terrible. Doing those kinds of things is reserved for when you are with that person or when you are in love.
I'm not in love.
I may be attracted to these people but I think it is mostly just the desire for someone to notice me that I've noticed for the longest time. I want someone that I've watched over longingly to look at me the same way. And they won't. If they had me, they would not look at me like that ever.
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Fragmented Self who wanders through life like a dreamer and wades through the river of dreams as though it were the only truth left in this world
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