(continuation of previous entry)
(I'm not rejecting any person when I dodge someone; I'm rejecting their action! ;u;
Sloooow. You have to take everything slow with a Virgo. Friendship, love, etc. It's slow but the wait's worth it; all good things are worth waiting for. Besides, it's scary lol. A first impression that scares a Virgo xD;. LOL, like asking personal questions; freak out ~ ! xD;;; )
For me, I shut off my emotions. I realized this about a month ago. No, no, by ;shut off emotions', I'm not saying that I'm cold and I don't like people! sweatdrop e o e Dx
I'm glad of this discovery. I found it a little strange but I don't care. Okay, first, know of the three stages: they are single and crushing, dating, then being together.
It first began to process when I was wondering about the stages while bored. When I, single stage, was thinking about the last stage, I skipped the feelings involved. The transition, the history! The feelings one would go through from interest,attraction, like, love. Because I didn’t live through that,, the two different stages (single and together with someone) side by side (like and love) in comparison were split stages. I forgot the feelings involved when one has a significant other because I was looking at the ‘couples stage’ with a boyfriend-less point of view. I didn’t live through it, I was just looking at it and noting the emotions I severely lacked o.o
It felt a little confusing how I don’t feel anything and yet later, I’ll feel it. Those two situations, completely different, thought of at the same time, felt like they couldn’t exist at the same time. I didn’t really understand. I felt a little bad too, two years ago, because when someone was almost going to be my boyfriend, I felt bad that I didn’t think of wanting to kiss him. It popped up twice in the beginning: the idea stuck me but then I brushed it off. It was after a long time before the second one happened. Still, it wasn’t seriously considered yet. Almost, but not yet.
That’s why I felt strange. I thought .. when I do have a boyfriend, I would feel like kissing him and I would kiss him, yes, of course. A husband, fiancé, even more so because the relationship would be even more solid.
But when I’m single, I don’t feel like kissing anyone. It doesn't occur to me, crush or not. ^It’s not strange, and yet it’s a little strange when I’ve seen some girls think of wanting to be with someone, wanting to go out with someone, wanting to kiss someone, or thinking someone was attractive enough to kiss, while either looking through a magazine, Youtube video, or anything else with no “real” guy in mind, or actually browsing one’s school classmates, real guys in mind.
The reason I act like that is subconscious. I have always done this, for who knows how long, and I’m not stopping. I will always do it and I am not sorry when it caused my love life’s downfall for the first time in my life.
I may have the hugest crush on someone, but I won’t feel like kissing him yet. To the guy, I won’t look like I’m more than a friend, as much as I think I’m being already quite obvious in my actions and close company, ie: if I often ask if someone’s busy, aka showing interest. (One need to ask if the person's busy before asking to spend time with someone/asking out someone; otherwise, it’s pointless).
I may have quite plentiful and serious affections, but I won’t feel like kissing him yet. You may think that’s .. shall we say, “insane” and “nonsensical”, but it’s quite reasonable. Any committed relationship feelings will be turned "off" until I see the feeling's mutual. Until it's confirmed that the person likes me back, it'll stay dormant.
I would have the hugest crush on someone but not do anything more “lover” like because I shut off my emotions. I never do or feel anything -exhales- … until I know how the other person feels.The second I’ve seen someone likes me and/or wants to spend time with me (aka liking me), I open up. I open up some more after each time until it's totally confirmed/the love is official. There’s nothing to fear when with some people. It’s the same thing with friends and not just guys of interest; if I’m safe, then I’m safe. I let go and let them know who I am; I already love my friends so it doesn’t matter if they slightly hurt me from time to time in life; I still love being with them.
You don’t get to see a flower bloom; you usually get to see its outside bud, closed up, because it’s not completely spring or warm yet.
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"I never do or feel anything -exhales- … until I know how the other person feels."
(8T)
That's why I don't feel like kissing anyone or feel devoted to someone. It can be a little thing/interest and I'll inch, open, some more, but when there is nothing, you can't get anything out of me and neither can I, I'm afraid to inform everyone.
That's why it would look like I'm a friend. From the way I talk, regardless of my smiling, looking at, or questions, from the things I talk about with the person, with the way I act. It wouldn't look like I'm "madly in love" when actually, I would be.
The person just doesn't know.
I couldn't have done anything to show I was more interested. -barely rolls eyes- Apparently. Cause I thought I was being obvious. If I tried even more to emphasis a clear thing, I wouldn't be able to see the person cause it's embarrassing and too much, you know?
So it's not my fault and it can be my fault if you want to think that way. It's not my fault because it's the way how I am towards everyone. I slink back into my protecting and safe shell all the time.
I thought I was being quite obvious. Looking at the person, wanting to spend a lot of time with the person, interested and respectful. I just didn't do anything more if it didn't look like it was a good idea to do something and unfortunately, we both thought the same way. Sad life, lol. xD;; This is the only case I know of where similarities bring sadness, haha!
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