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So I was in zOMG with my bf and a friend of his and we were messing around. Well he decides to be dramatic and stop talking so I was telling his friend an embarrassing story about him. And I threatened that if he didn't start talking again, I'd tell her more stories about the last time we were in zOMG so he said no. So I told his friend that since apparently my stories were forbidden she should tell one. And he says 'You should tell her about the time I tried to commit suicide and failed.' So then I was starting to have a panic attack because I thought he was ******** serious. So I asked his friend if he was and she says no. So then it's like 'he's such an a** for saying something like that' and I got majorly angry, and he kept trying to apologize which just made it worse and then he said I could punish him so I told him his punishment was severe anger. And I almost cried dammit, I felt so weak because no one should be able to make me cry (save for my mom) and yet over something so stupid I actually started to tear up. And now I can't get over it. And I don't know what to do because I don't want to leave him but I keep thinking 'what if he had been serious, what if he was actually suicidal, what if he did end up killing himself?' it's just so confusing and;

I hate myself for acting this way and I hate myself for crying, and I hate him for saying something like that so carelessly. And I know I'll probably forgive him anyways because I still love him. But god dammit I wish he'd never said something like that. I wish he'd just let his friend think of a story. Sometimes I wish I hadn't fallen in love with him, but then I feel bad for thinking that which isn't even close to helping. But I love him anyways, and I know I can't leave him.

And I hate drama and I realize that I just went through a whole s**t-load of drama and I just.... I just got so angry, because of that stupid comment. Because people think its funny to play that joke on me, and I forgive them. Every single time. But it's just different when he said that. Because he's closer to me, and he had more effect. And I hate that.







**2015 EDIT**
I subconsciously chased drama for a long time.
I didn't realize until a few months ago what I was doing to myself.
So yeah, my running days are over.
Sure wish all that subconscious chasing had had a physical affect on my weight. That would have been a nice plus for all the s**t I brought upon myself.