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Christmas (Also known as: X-mas, The Birthday of Jesus and Tree Appreciation Day) was a Christian holiday that was stolen from the Roman pagan holiday, Saturnalia, and taken out of context at the expense of the workers in the United States and used as an excuse to get drunk on eggnog. Now it's a Jewish Capitalist conspiracy designed by officefags and Jews just so they can rip you off of your hard earned Jew Gold. It is also a holiday created so kids can get their footballs, skateboards and pac-man video games. It is also an excuse to see family who you had forgotten about for the last 365 days, especially that fat, redneck cousin who comes only for the free beer. Also, old seedy ***** love to dress up as Santa Claus as an excuse to touch children.

Don't open this present until Christmas. Every time a present is opened early, Santa goes down to his "workshop", and shoots one of his enslaved elves, who look suspiciously like Vietnamese children.