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What is a connection without intimacy?
And what's intimacy without romance amongst two strangers?
How do you regress from the landmine fraught battleground into neutral ground without a paranoia that could lead to catastrophe. Oh - and fireworks? Terrifying.

I'm grateful for my time with Derrick. I've learned a lot about myself.
I can be weak, but I'm mostly stubborn.
I am not stereotypical but I can be predictable.
And I don't mind it as much as I thought I would around the right person.
But I guess that's how it is with most.

I DO realize that I do have... commitment issues.
When I decide I won't feel a certain way about someone, there are no conflicting thoughts like I know there should be.
If I don't want to fall in love with someone, I won't.

I'm apparently okay with being a "mistress" until I am TRULY aware of the primary lover. It's as if I don't make the connection until I'm paranoid.
However, I always have known that once I get paranoid, I won't put up with being crazy. I can get pretty damn crazy. I don't even need to tax my sanity that way.

This experience will stay in my back pocket. It's the gash in my a** that won't ever heal.

Everything else... Heh. Well, I'm glad I've discovered this with someone patient.

Oh, and I'm very indecisive. I ought not open my mouth until I know what I will say.