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I have been reaching levels of very zen states of being lately and then lowering almost into chaos again but i know the signs and instead of reaching for the pain i block it again i'm doing better at that, I went for a walk and the cool but not too cool day was around me and the leaves before me and i'd just finished my book i'd been reading (i always find my zen easier after a long read) (it has something to do with stepping outside of myself so completely that i'm kept at a distance from all my emotions and bodily needs even my spirit which for me is very or can be very caught up in emotions) so that i'm merely left with my mind and better able to deflect harmful thoughts and embrace higher levels of safe solitude not of my own choice but of my own needs so that i'm not hurting from pain in my life but it also brings me closer to the one i love's guardian because a guardian must always be ready to aide their charge even if it hurts them ninja