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now for anyone who read through that scream I apologize. There's the sich. I think he's cute but he probably doesn't even know I'm around anymore. HE is one of, well WAS, one of my best friends as a kid and we are still friends now but it's weirder. kinda. we just never see each other anymore. (he's my neighbor BTW) well anyway, for a while now i've thought he looks cute and i kinda like him and i wonder what it would be like if we dated. gonk worst ever. as a kid i used to get teased that he likes me and now i kind of like him and i doubt he'd ever think of me that way. i'm probably still the same dorky girl to him who used to come over to play. and we've been friends so long, thinking about dating him should be weird, right? I have no idea anymore. All I can think about when i see him is how i think he's cute and wonder what it might be like it we dated or anything like that. gonk but i know there is no way i could ever tel him. I mean i don't even have a friend to talk to about this at the moment beucase i fear their reaction. that and one of my best friends knows him and has his number and i wouldnt' put it past her to text him and tell him and screw up whatever kind of friendship we have at the moment by weirding him out.

*sigh* somehow this doesnt make me feel better. I wish i was brave enough to walk over when he's outside and just say "Hey, I think you're cute and I like you. wanna go out sometime?" (i mean we are old enough to date. he's only a year younger then I am redface ) and now i feel worse because i know i don't have that kind of guts. i hate being nervous and worried about ruining something because what i think might be a good idea could end up being bad idea in someone else's mind. and in this case probably his mind. *sigh* now i'mreally now helping myself.

well, if you read through all of this and have any advice for me and my stupid, kind of self induced maybe i guess?, situation could you leave it for me please? Maybe it'll help me out. sweatdrop gonk though I feel pretty helpless at the moment.