Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

So it seems, that the world has handed me a life full of disease, hurt, and issues that are beyond my control. Everything I say, you know that it is the truth. I do my best to keep all of the pressure off of your soul. This is my life; everything I say you know it is the truth of the matters at hand. I try to save you, but you ignore me. I don’t want to be the one you rely on for your happiness, or your release. I have a simple message for the world; Find out who you and who you are. Never forget to learn before life is over. When life is hard carry on never give up. I don’t have a tight grip on reality but, please heed my words.
I do not want another me in this world. When I was young my father never was around.
The last days I spoke to my mother, she was seeing me in tears as she was strolled away from my brother and me into an ambulance. I saw here again in her casket pale, and posed in her white night gown, a forced smile and closed eyes, my brother never got up to look. I walked up to her casket and I touched her face, her cold skin against my warm fingers. The contact caused rivers of tears to pour out my face. I dropped to my knees and cried my way out of the church. From that day on my brother and me we were silent after days of cursing at the world and into the winds we grew silent and made a promise. We swore to ourselves that we would never let love get in our way of being there for each other as brothers. He is gone now, away living with his girlfriend.
Here I am, constantly rethinking life. I have a limited view on this world askew.
I have been accused of being a womanizer, a player, a god. In fact I am none of these things I am this and this alone; a 17 year old man who makes girls fall for him and never has a true purpose for them. Who has come a long way from a troubled past, who has carved their own manhood without a father, who has cried countless nights over the feeling of depressions and thoughts of one’s demise. I don’t want a girlfriend, I don’t want a future. I only want her. I just want her again, so I can be happy and live my life as I should I’m scared of living not death.
So who would want to be me?